do i tell her or not

Question

i just found out after 7 years that my FIL abuse his daughters when they were children. i have 3 kids... 2 girls and refuse to have him near my kids. However, his wife (my husband's step-mom) love the kids and doesn't understand why she can't see the kids. My FIL nor my husband and his sisters has told her whats going on and she keeps calling me. Should i tell her from my point of view that is nothing with her and she can ser the kids just not with him?

Accepted Answer

I think who the victims want to know is up to the victims, and not you. You have a right to keep your children away, but no right to tell a story/history that isn't yours.

Answer

Just out of curiosity, did the wife (your FIL wife) do something that makes you uncomfortable with her being around your kids or was it just the FIL? Also, I'd want to know if I was married to a nasty pedophile who hurt his own children, so yeah, I'd tell.

Answer

I think it’s fine to say he abused children without saying who the victims are. She has a right to know, I’d be devastated if I was with a child abuser and everyone knew but me. What she does with the information is up to her. I certainly wouldn’t protect him if I were you.

Answer

That's something that you need to discuss with your SO. It should come from them if/when the wife is told. I understand why you want to tell her, but it really isn't your place to do so unless they tell you it's ok to do so. I definitely agree with keeping the kids away from your FIL!!!!

Answer

I want you to respect the victim's privacy, but your husband needs to pull his head out of his ass. If he wouldn't want his daughters around his dad, then why shouldn't she be able to choose the same thing ?

Answer

This one is difficult. If I were married to a child molestor and my family knew and didn’t tell me, I’d feel so betrayed and disgusted. But in the other hand that’s a sensitive topic for the victims so they should be the ones to decide if to tell or not.

Answer

I would call him and tell him he needs to explain why the kids aren't visiting. this isn't your problem, you haven't done anythjng wrong and shouldn't have to explain your actions.

Answer

It's not your place to tell. She can ask your husband or SIL not you.

Answer

I think it needs to be the victims’ decision.

Answer

Not your place at all, it’s not your secret to tell. I would make up another reason why he can’t see them or make it so it’s only her when you visit or whatever

do i tell her or not

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