Betrayal!! UPDATE**

so I've been dealing with this guy for almost a year now (December 24th will make a year) and I found out he has twins on the way.. he first told me about them around September and I was really hurt but then he turned around and said it wasn't true and that he was saying it to get me mad and to see if I really cared about him. so I believed him when he said that because the whole situation was just unbelievable to me.. the reason why i thought he didn't have them on the way is because he said the mother is pregnant in jail and that she won't be out for years and that he would have to take care of the children. the whole story just didn't sound right. so I really thought it was something he was saying to get to me.

well yesterday we were on the phone and we were talking about babies and he said well I'll bring you one sooner than you think. so I jokingly said oh yeah you have the twins on the way due in April. he was like where you get April from? they are due in January!

the way he said it, I knew it was true. so he finally told me that he was telling the truth and the whole situation was true. it hurt my heart because he got her pregnant around April or May which means he cheated on me with her. I was working full time, going to school full time, and we didn't live together (still don't). so maybe I wasn't giving him enough attention. well excuse me for trying to better my life. I was also pregnant around that time by him and we had a huge fight and I lost the baby. we have been trying for another one ever since. so now this female is having his children while she is in jail and I'm sitting here looking stupid. wondering how he could do this to me. he wants me to be a mother to these children because they won't have one for a really long time. he wants me to help him and I'm afraid to do so. like I know it's not the children fault but just seeing them would make me so angry!

am I wrong for feeling this way?? I cried so much last night!!

12/9

So since I found out about the babies I've been stressed out alot.. I've cried every day since and even cry myself to sleep every night. i can't eat or even think straight. I blame myself. I feel like I'm not a woman or I am not enough. like why couldn't I get pregnant again? I feel useless.

I've talked to him and at first his responses were "it has nothing to do with you", "why are you even worried about it"

now he is asking me to marry him! he keeps asking if I still love him.. and telling me how he wants to make it work. I think he is only looking at me for stability. he wants his children to have a stable home and a good mother and he knows he will have that with me. we went to the mall yesterday and we went into a shoe store and I asked if he has picked up any for the babies. come to find out he has been shopping for them this whole time. buying them shoes and all. I got so upset i wanted to push every stand in the store over. I can't take this... I'm feeling so depressed.