lost my soul

I kept having dreams about a beautiful caramel skinned, green eyed, curly black hair baby. I had a few different dreams with the same adorable baby girl I couldn't figure out why our connection to each other was so strong, but it was an overwhelming happiness sensation every time I would look into her eyes. About a week after the dreams started I found out I was pregnant at that moment I knew the precious baby girl in my dreams was my baby. I was full of excitement and a bunch of other emotions I've never experienced. I have never felt so amazing inside and out. she gave me hope ,love laughter, positive energy and happiness I've never had I love myself and life . I started having dreams with her again only in these dreams someone was always kidnapping her from me . it was horrible I started praying to God ( something I hadn't done since I was a little gitl) to keep her safe. I promised to stay on the right track and do everything I could to be the best mommy and person. Anyways I was 6 1/2 months pregnant when I fell on my tummy and started gushing blood I felt in my heart this will be the last time I'm ever going to feel her move at that moment she did a flip . it didn't feel like normal it was weak. I was being rushed to the hospital. my heart was aching more than my tummy . I ended up giving birth to her stillborn. it was devastating. m y soul was ripped out of me when she left it went with her. Any and all the joy, hope, and happiness inside me was gone as well . I felt lifeless, empty heart, an DC soulless . I was sad angry , hurt, torn, cold all alone.i still feel like my soul is gone and I feel empty inside nothing and nobody can fill that. I will never be the same. I often ask myself what I did to loose my love ,m uh miracle. sorry so long I haven't ler t this out ev ever thank you.