What is my life?


I just need a place to vent about my current situation I guess.

Basically my life is all kinds of messed up right now and the biggest this is I have no clue wether or not my marriage is ending and I can't handle the pain anymore.

Every issue between us is him and his shit and it's been years of build up to now. He has struggled with porn addiction that crossed boundries- like looking at people on facebook that we know and masturbating to them (including my mom-she is very young). I stuck with him even after he betrayed my trust on that many times in the past 3 years. I have PCOS and within our first year of marriage (before my diagnosis) I went from 135 to 215. I had no clue what was up and during that my sex life was suffering and I was doing my best to feel attractive. During that time is when I found out about his addiction. So much went on from then to now when it comes to all that. I stuck through it with him. I forgave and we overcame (I thought).Now is when things are coming to a head. We were trying to conceive even through all that... maybe a dumb choice but still. After 2 and half years offl ttc and all kinds of stress from that, we conceived, this past August. We were happy and things were looking up for us. Then at 9/10 weeks we found out it was a blighted ovum.

Since then the universe has seriously had it out for me. Within a 2 week time frame" my pregnancy ended, my husband cheated on me with my best friend, my childhood dog was put down, I had to use my savings bonds for food, and a deer ran into out car causing 2,300 worth in damages. I stuck with him after the cheating- it was a super drunk thing that happened and I let it not poison me because I couldn't.

Now here we are and my husband's issues are still so prevalent. His is still uninterested in sex with me, cares not for my orgasms, doesn't like spending time with me, bitches when I have issues with anything like that, has caused huge problems when they were unnecessary, and in the past 2 days informed me he has lost all interest in me.

Why is this my life? I don't know what to do anymore. I have been with him since I was 15, I love him so much but this pain is unbearable. I just needed to vent really.... Thanks for reading if you do...