Need to vent & need feedback


Need to vent and get some feedback. Be nice 😢

Ok so here's my story: I started dating my boyfriend two years ago. I have a son from a previous relationship. My boyfriend was great with him from day one. So great with him that I ignored everything else. I never thought to see if he was right for me, never thought to dig deeper into his life. I just knew he was absolutely perfect for my son as a father figure - he was exactly the kind of man I wanted my son to see as his dad.

Problem#1: So I knew that he was a ladies man - he was 35 when we started dating. As far as I knew he hadn't settled down with anyone for a long time and he was just known as the hot bachelor in our town. Stupid me went through his messages from the past couple years. I found out he would be messaging several several girls at a time just about sex and dirty pictures. He was screwing 20yr olds, his friends girlfriends, his older friends step daughters... yeah. Any girl he could. Even my aunt was one of them. The messages between those girls and his/mine when we started dating aren't the same. I mean he'd message me wanting to hang out all day with my son . He would only message them at 10pm looking for a booty call. There was one other girl that it seemed like they were actually dating. But he messaged her and broke it off when we started dating. So I don't have any concerns that he's cheating on me. But god he's such a man whore. It's disgusting. I can't even look at him anymore. I don't talk to him much at all and avoid him as much as possible. (We live together)

How do I let that go. I know I'm sounding immature but ugh I hate this. We live in a small town so I know all of these girls 😒

Problem #2: I honestly think he just settled for me because he was so ready to settle down with a family. I don't feel like he's in love with me. He shows my son so much fatherly affection. You can tell he genuinely loves him. But he shows me none. He never touches me. Never tells me he loves me unless I say it first or we're getting off the phone. I have never felt like when he says "I love you" that his words were genuine. He never tells me I'm pretty, beautiful, sexy, etc. we rarely have sex unless I initiate it but I've given up on that. When we have a normal daily conversation his tone with me is like he's just so annoyed that I'm even speaking to him. So I've distanced myself a lot. I don't hug him or try to love on him anymore. I don't make small talk. Last year I was totally in love with him. Now, not so much. I have feelings for him but right now I feel hurt more than anything. I've spilled my feelings and concerns to him more than once and he'll act maybe a little different for a day and that's all. I just truly don't think he loves me like I love him and you can't force that. But then again he wouldn't be this serious with me if he didn't love me right? Like I said he hasn't had a serious girlfriend in a long long time. His friends and family have told me we have something special. So now what.

Now here's the kicker: I'm pregnant. So I don't feel like I can just up and leave.

How do I let go of his past? How do I get to the bottom of the lack of love & affection from him?