Hopes are all on a roller coaster😖😖😖 Could use some encouragement

So I found out I was having a miscarriage on my birthday in August. And we’ve been TTC since then. The holidays have sucked so bad because I was imagining my cute baby bump that was supposed to be there too and now it’s not. But this month something has changed!! AF is now 5 DAYS LATE!! But all 11 tests I’ve taken 😏 have come back as big fat NOPES... and my body is doing weird things... my boobs are huge, I can smell everything and it all makes me nauseous (this morning I could smell my metal fork while eating my eggs and immediately couldn’t eat the eggs anymore), I have been crying constantly, my fingers look like actual hotdogs, and I have to pee every 30 minutes. When AF comes it’s always the same, I’m an insufferable bitch to my husband, then my back hurts so I demand back rubs, chocolate, wine, and my poor mistreated husband to tell me I’m pretty, then cramps, then bloatyness, then I know she’s officially graced me with her presence when I suddenly have to (TMI) poop out of my regular pooping times. Today will be CD 33 my last cycle was 23 days... I’m so frustrated. I need happy thoughts.