I'm really struggling...

My ultrasound isn't until the second week in January, and we are not telling our family at the holidays until we know all is good... and I just don't "feel" pregnant. Maybe it's because I haven't seen him/her to know all is well, maybe because we aren't telling family at Christmas, maybe because my only symptoms are fatigue and some light cramping. I have stopped testing because 6 positives cover it, but its still hard. I keep saying prayers about it, and I keep trying to remind myself I can't control what happens... I just want my ultrasound to know one way or another. Just had to get that off my chest. thanks ❤