I went for an ultrasound today, and it's the first I've gone to. since finding out I was pregnant (I found out around the time I was 16 or so weeks, I'm 29 weeks now). I've been looking for a good gynecologist that isn't far, works Saturdays, takes my insurance and has decent reviews. that took me weeks. appointments also kept getting moved, and various places NEVER got back to me to set up an appointment, some just didn't give me any information on what to bring (some places want different documents so I wanted to know what to bring). I know I took weeks and weeks to set things up. I Know. I KNOW. Jesus H. Christ. I know I fucked up.

I also didn't wind up pregnant the first two months I didn't have my period, because that was from stress due to a loss in the family.

the gyno I went to was rude as hell, like "Oh you should've gone earlier idk what your problem is, you're so late now and you've missed everything. I don't know how to help you since you found out so late." even though I explained to her CLEARLY what I just mentioned.

the whole time she just gave me shit for finding out late, for still being in school, for being 18 and the father being 19, for having a mom that stays at home with my 5 year old sister, for not working.

that thing about my mom, she shook her head and gave me a look for. like honestly, to the gyno...fuck you. I have a single mom that has to watch her 5 year old daughter, with no job but still manages. she's doing a kick-ass job and I love her so much. she's a fucking boss. your job is to help women but it seems like you just bring them down.

not only was she rude asf, but she was rough as hell with the speculum. opened it way too hard, didn't even go slow. just shoved it in, didn't take her time at all. it felt like a shard of cold glass being shoved up my 🐈. I swear.

she's the first gyno I've been to and possibly the worst.

she gave me one sonogram photo of the face in which you barely see much, and said I have to go elsewhere if I want a better one because she doesn't do all that. the screen itself barely showed much either, I really only saw the baby turn their (yeah they didn't tell me the sex or anything either, like okay thank you.) head toward the screen or whatever.

this was such a cruddy appointment. honestly.

at least the receptionist was nice, to say the least. she was a sweetheart which made me happy.