I feel sorry for you. *updated*

It’s been six months since your last feeble attempt at communicating with us. It’s been 10 months since your son ‘who you love’ has seen your face. It’s been over 2 and a half years since he’s seen you for more than 4 hours of one day before you disappeared again. Disappeared to go to concerts and pose with your favorite bands for multiple FB profile pictures. Disappeared because money is ‘too tight’ for you to care for the son you claim to love so much. That you’re too busy with work when you have a 4-day weekend EVERY month. That some new calamity has struck and you swear that this month... this month... this month you’ll visit. You’ll chip in to help cover his needs.

I feel sorry for you. Not because you abandon me to raise this precious boy alone. Not because my money was tight too. Not because I had to have roommates to get by for a while. Not because I had to give up my meals for days to make sure he had enough formula. I don’t feel sorry because you made the burden of both parents fall fully on my shoulders.

No, I feel sorry for you because he doesn’t know who you are. He never will.

I feel sorry that you’ll never see how amazing and loving and sensitive he is.

I feel sorry that ‘your’ son had more morals, character and discipline than you do.

I feel sorry that you think living your life this way is better.

Sorry you don’t know how empty it truly is.

How much you’re missing out on.

I feel sorry that you’ll never be dad to him, because another man stepped into that roll and took on the responsibilities you failed.

I feel sorry you’ll never know what it’s like to feel his sweet little unconditional love.

You’ll never see him learn and grow.

You’ll never witness the absolute miracle he is.

I feel sorry that you think you’re okay with that.

That one day you’ll have to come to terms with everything you lost when you threw him away.

I feel sorry that your narcissist complex will make you blame me, when you’ll know deep down it was your choice.

I feel sorry that you’ll never be able to replace him, that you’ll always wonder.

I feel sorry for how pathetic your life is, and will continue to be.

I’m sorry you didn’t even bother to show up in court or take the class and now you have no custody and no rights to visitation.

I’m sorry you’re in contempt of court for your negligence.

Why am I sorry?

Because you could’ve had the whole world in the eyes of a perfect little boy. And you threw him away for nothing.

And now he’s all ours, loved and fed and cherished.

Good luck with your pitiful life, however sorry it is.

Thank you for your overwhelming support. I know I’m not the only one who’s been in this spot or felt this way. It was a transition to get to this point, and I hoped my honesty could help other women on the journey to being okay with an absent parent. Many of you complimented me as a mother, which I genuinely appreciate more than you know. But I know that if most if not all of you ladies were put in the same push-and-shove position, you’d make the hard decisions too, and you’d do it with a willing, loving heart.

We’ve come a long way from choosing between formula and food. I have a wonderful fiancé and a wedding in March. We own our apartment and are planning on buying a house in the next year or two. We have two handsome sons and our daughter on the way. We have a life worth admiring, and I love every moment of struggle that got us here.

It was hard, it got dark, and there were days I didn’t want to keep going. But there is a light if you keep searching. Sometimes you won’t walk miles, only a step or two. But as long as you keep moving, you’ll find the life you’re meant to have.