Today 1/4/18 would have been my due date for my first pregnancy that ended in a silent miscarriage, followed by hemorrhage and emergency d&c; back in June. I am so blessed to be pregnant again and baby and mama are both very healthy at 23 weeks 5 days today! :) i am so proud of my son as he grows in my belly and I feel so connected to him.

I can't help but think about my first pregnancy and that it ended before I "knew" or felt any connection with him or her. But it's still heartbreaking to know that one of my babies is in heaven and that they would have been brought into the world today if everything had gone right with the pregnancy. I know I didn't do anything wrong and that it was just God's plan and he saw that something wasn't right about it. But it still feels very strange. I can't grab hold of my feelings today.. feeling confused, sad, longing, relieved, blessed, angry, among others... I feel guilty also about some of these feelings because I'm currently pregnant. I feel relieved that God's plan has worked out for us and that he blessed me with a healthy pregnancy very quickly, but I also feel anger that he put me and my husband through the heartbreak that he did.

Wishing everyone a wonderful Thursday and to all those grieving from the loss of a child I am so sorry and I hope that you find some peace in knowing that you are not alone. I know that and talking about my experience really helped me to heal. Bless all of you mamas out there ❤️