On this day Jan 4,2017 I woke up with horrible cramps and I told my husband to take me to the er because I couldn’t take it and I was bleeding heavily. I’m just thinking it’s a really bad cycle because that’s how I get with those but this time something was different. So we get to the er and I tell them what’s goin on and they take some pee and put me in a room. So as I’m waiting in the room I told my husband he could wait in the lobby so he does and my mind is running rampant because idk what’s going on. Never did it cross my mind that I was pregnant because I was still getting my period every month so I thought. So the doctor walks back in and tells me my HCG levels are elevated and that I’m pregnant but I’m having a miscarriage. My heart sank and I told them to get my husband so the nurse gets him and I looked at him and tears stream down my face and he says what’s wrong. I couldn’t even speak so the doctor says your wife is having a miscarriage I’m sorry. I could tell he was shattered as well and held my hand and tried his best not to break down in front of me but I knew because I just seen a part of him break but he wanted to be strong for me. The doctor asks me how far along do I think I could be I told him about 3 months and he tried to do a pelvic exam but couldn’t see with all the blood and cramping he wasn’t able to do or see anything. So they took my blood to see if I was RH positive or negative because they still wanted to have hope that my baby was okay and so did I. They put me on bed rest and to go to the doctors on base in 3 days time to get another check up so when I got home that’s all I did and cry. I cried because I felt like it was my fault, I felt like I failed my husband and my child. I couldn’t get that thought out of my head and I hurt me. My husband held me till I fell asleep from exhaustion due to crying for hours. The next day my husband had to leave for work because his command wouldn’t let him take off but I was fine with that because I wanted to be alone I needed to cry, scream, talk to God, and cry some more. So when I got up to go to the restroom it was this gush and so much pain and at that moment I knew my baby was truly gone it wasn’t nothing I or anyone could do and I fell to the floor screaming, crying, asking God why me why my baby what did I do wrong?! After some hours of crying again I fell asleep till my husband came home I explained to him what happened and he just held me again and I could tell he had been crying too as his eyes were puffy and red... fast forward to my next doctors appointment which I already knew what the outcome was going to be he explained that this happens to woman all the time and that he was sorry for my lost and told me that I was 3 months along based on my cycle timeline and that I was close to the end of my miscarriage because my cervix was beginning to close. I had to keep going to the doctors to make sure my levels had bottomed out and eventually they did. My heart still hurts to this day and couldn’t help but shed some tears as I typed. I love my little one and always will and I thank God for giving me the strength to move forward. I know my baby was needed back in heaven with God and I have a little one to watch over me. Rest In Peace my little angel I love you sooo much 😓💔❤️😢.