Anybody else remember their miscarriage?

So I have two little boys! I announced as soon as I peed on stick with both of them. I was on nexplanon for almost 2 years and when I got off I got pregnant right away! It turned into a chemical pregnancy though my period started right on time. We were heartbroken. I didn’t even think I was pregnant. I just felt nauseous one day at church and I almost fainted so I took a test and the line was faint and it stayed faint until it disappeared 😭. Well we got serious about trying after that and I got pregnant again! I was ecstatic but also terrified (still am). I find myself constantly thinking about that little baby that we will never get to meet. S/he would have been born in March which is my husband and my own birthday month. I’m super excited about our little girl! However I can’t stop thinking about that baby. It’s really a bitter pill to swallow since I wouldn’t be pregnant with this little one had I stayed pregnant with that little one. I know God has a plan and a purpose but that definitely changed me. I haven’t been back to church since. Just wondering if any other mommies who are pregnant with their rainbow 🌈 baby 👶🏾 felt how I’m feeling?