Felling lost & confused

I've been having the feeling that I no longer turn my husband on. No matter what I try he can't stay hard. For the last 4 months we have had sex 6 times and he only finished twice. Both times he was half asleep, dreaming when he started grabbing at me. I don't think he was fully aware of what he was doing but when he woke up he lasted maybe 2 minutes. I am very sexual, like could have sex 5 times a day. He used to be like that now its once or twice a month. It breaks my heart that we are losing that part of our life. I know he watches porn, I do too. But he won't watch it with me. He won't talk about it or anything. So we recently had a double date with some friends and ended up sharing a hotel room. We had all been drinking and things got steamy. Us on our bed, them on theirs. I was giving my man a BJ and when I looked up I noticed he was watching our friends have sex. I switched positions where he could not see them and he went limp. He switched up again and once again he was watching them. I looked over and yes it was a turn on but when he looked at me limp. All night long both guys hinted they wanted to share or swap. I'm not saying I wouldn't have but when my man couldn't keep his dick hard with me it hurt. We came home in complete SILENCE. And every time I try to talk about it he changes the subject. Saying he was drunk and doesn't remember. What bothers me the most is we still haven't had sex. He won't hardly touch me. I'm not leaving my man so please don't suggest it. I just need some ideas on how to turn on my man. Something that he won't expect but just us.