Lonely and venting

Been together with my guy about 9 yrs in March we have 2 daughter's one biologically his and one not but been her daddy since she was 2months old. I love this man very much. We aren't married but more or less we are. We've been through a lot together anything you can think of we probably been through it. Thing is I'm lonely. Any way a man can mistreat and disrespect a woman he's done to me but yet I'm still here. There's history and love and hate when were good were good but bad is bad. For a couple years weeks or whatever we cannot have a conversation without him getting mad he misunderstands me. I can't ask anything it's a problem I can't explain myself to where he can understand better he takes it as I'm talking to him like he stupid or something. I don't know I feel that he feels like I'm his enemy he's threatened by me. I ignore him to not argue and that becomes a problem, because apparently by doing that Is having the last word according to him. He says that I'm always telling him he's wrong or what he needs to do and technically those words didn't even come out of my mouth. I swear no communication at all I try I really try and I don't know what to do. Things that I need to talk to him about I can't because for whatever reason things that I just want to just shoot the s.... can't even do that either. So here I am trying to reach out to strangers because I just want someone to talk to and that makes me sad. Truth is he know how I feel and that's even worse he just doesn't care and I feel it's my fault for even trying, for staying and whatever else is my fault. This sucks.:'(:'(:'(

Can anyone shed some light?