What do I do


So I have been with my so for 10 years off and on yes we were high school sweet hearts. There was about 4 years that we didn’t talk because he had moved and we had just lost contact. Within that 4 years something in him changed. I’ve been in love with him since the first time I saw him and couldn’t have ever been happier. We’d been going steady for 2years next month. Through everything I have stood by him, my family doesn’t like like him which at first they did. My dad no longer speaks to me because of him, last year in may he left me on Mother’s Day and said he didn’t wanna be with me I had just gotten out of medical school and was waiting to take my test because I needed a job so I could take it. I had bought my first car that was a 83 Mercedes Benz I hated it. But it got me where I needed to go. While I was in school he told me that I didn’t need to get a job that he would take care of me and pay for my schooling. While I was in school he had an accident that left me to to take care of him. He suffered two cracked vertebrae (T11,T12), a head injury, and split his lip up to the top of his nose, he was in a brace for 4 months while his back healed. Little did I know when he went to Ohio with a friend cause where we was staying we had gotten kicked out and we couldn’t stay with my parents and he wasn’t speaking to his for some reason.. but he was with his friends sister. The only reason I know that is because he had told a mitral friend and they came to me and said “hey he’s got a another girlfriend” we had finally set a wedding date to July 15, 2017 at that time.. I chose not to believe our friends and he said that they was trying to come in between us. I knew deep down there was something up, because we would always argue. And when we started arguing it wasn’t long before he left me. But he did he left me on Mother’s Day. Told me I needed to get a job. I had been looking for a job since his accident. I was going to school full time and taking care of him and when I say taking care of him I mean hands on, he couldn’t even wipe his ass. Taking care of him and going to school and trying to find a job was stressful. When he left me, he told me he wanted my car which he picked out and I hated it. At first I was gonna sign it over to him then I thought that I could fix it and drive it or sale it. He told me that I wouldn’t be able to find the car. Little did I know what all he had did me to it. When he finally told my mom where my car was me and my mom drove to go pick it up, and I was in for a surprise.. he had completely destroyed my car. He took all the emblems off of it, cut all my hose and wires, tore my engine apart, tore my floor boards up, took my back seat apart, and took this puddy stuff and made my doors hard to open because it was try to seal my doors, and he took my radio and brand new speakers. I was mad and broke down crying. Anyways a couple moths went by and I still loved him, knowing everything that he had done to me or my car I still loved his man and wanted to be with him. Then it was sometime in June and he had called my mom and asked her to come get my stuff from him because it was at his grandmothers house and he was rude to my mom and I wouldn’t let her go alone because I wanted to make sure that it was all my stuff. (Which it was) he started crying to my mom and said that he wanted to talk to me if I wanted to talk and I started laughing but I did talk to him and he told me he was scared because with his injuries it was hard on both of us and he didn’t wanna talk to him step mom and dad. He thought that he had tbi (traumatic brain injury) loving this guy and wanting to be with him was all I ever wanted I couldn’t see my life with anyone else no matter how much I tried to be someone else. It just wasn’t enough. So on the July 4, 2017 we got back together after just trying to be his friend but I never learnt how to just be his friend outside of a relationship. My family has tried to be nice to him and because it was what I wanted they accepted it. But didn’t like it cause they knew how it would end. When July 15 came around we had debated on just running off and getting married but decided to wait until October. We had set the date again for October 25, 2017 because it was my grandmothers birthday and it a special day for me. And everything was fine I had a job and was paying bills because I lived with my sister I had no where else to go. In November I had quit my job because I didn’t wanna work in a call center anymore and had a job lined up but they they told me that they was still accepting applications. And this was my dream job and it’s what I love to do. I’m still looking for a job because every time I call them they tell me they’re still accepting applications and would call when they made their decision. After a week of not having a job we started to argue about me not having a job and I needed to find a job. So I continued to look and to this day still looking for a job. So yesterday he texts me in the middle of the night and tells me “I’m done” being me and always thinking the worst but I didn’t let it show I asked okay what are you done with and talk talk to me. At first he tells me he’s done with us but sometime in the future their could be a possibility of us being together but right now he couldn’t do it because he was too stressed and couldn’t do this on his own. So I’m trying to reason with him. All I can do is try and call places for a job. He had also told me he was deleting his Facebook because he wants too. Well not thinking I get on my messenger to message a friend a see his profile picture with another girl and about a month before that he had taken all the photos of us off his Facebook and told me it was just going to be a bunch of car stuff. I wanted to believe him so much but I knew something wasn’t right. I never go through his phone, because either he had it on him at all times or I didn’t feel the need to. But this one time he felt off so when he wasn’t looking or out of the room I grabbed his phone and went through it and I was slapped in the face with him telling his friends that had met a girl that he works with and that she made him feel like a man and has one or two kids. I’ve never felt more ashamed in my life. When I asked him about it he told me that him and his friend had this deal that they would talk like that to get a reaction out of me. The whole time I was calm and we was at his parents house so I was being respectful. He told me not to worry about it. For some reason i had this sick feeling. Now I never check his I phone to see where he’s at. But I noticed when he told me he was home after he dropped me off that he wasn’t. He was at someone’s house, I let is slide. But he was there a lot after we had talked about that convo with his friend. I asked him if he was happy and he would always tell me yes and that I was his world. Well yesterday he proceeded to also tell me that he loved me but wasn’t happy and hasn’t been for a while. So what do I do I calmly tell him that when times are good he’s around but when times are tough you wanna run and be with someone to fill that void. So when you see that I’m doing a little better and have a job again to not come back around me. I love him more than anything and would stand by him even when my family doesn’t speak to me and wants nothing to do with me. Currently I am trying to find a job, I have to move out of my sisters house because my parents own it and they told me that I’m not allowed to be here and I need to find somewhere to go because I chose him. I haven’t spoken to my dad since Christmas because he told me I’d rather choose him over my family. I feel all alone and have no one to talk to. (So I thought) I made a post on Facebook and sad I was done with all the bs. And a friend that had told he was cheating to begin with calls me and says hey come over. So I go over and all I could do was finally have alone time and just cry. They told me I didn’t have to say anything because they already knew and to just let it out. I cried till I almost made myself sick and that the reason they don’t speak to him is because they stepped back and let me make my decision but knew there was no since I’m trying to talk to me about him. But at the same time they checked on through this whole thing to make sure I was okay. I had dropped all of my friends and my family to be with him. I didn’t speak to anyone unless it was okay with him and he knew about it. But they was always there for me when I needed someone. But right now I feel so alone, I’ve never felt more alone and have never truly been in my own. I’m scared but at the same time I’m hopeful. The same questions keep going around in my head. Where do I go from here? Who can I really talk to and just have someone listen to me for once?