Just found out gender (14wks3dy)

Im going to just start by saying this pregnancy has been a vey harsh troubling journey.... i found out at 3wks i was pregnant... I'm 34yrs old ... when i was 21yrs old i got on birth control and still conceived my daughter - perfect pregnancy no delivery issues she was very healthy i would get nauseated but only from time to time... fast forward to 2008 back on b.c. & conceived again but 11 wks no heart beat & docs ruled miscarriage fast forward to my current boyfriend of 4yrs he has a son from a previous marriage.... we TTC 3yrs had a miscarriage Feb 2017 at 6wks...NOW we are due July 4th & i had a genetics testing done, got the awesome news of the baby being healthy & no signs of birth defects... HOWEVER... I'm so emotionally upset PLEASE DON'T JUDGE me... but I want to vent!! I was told we are having a 💜GIRL💜 ... I guess i was expecting a boy because im so upset ... my boyfriend is happy & over the moon excited but he already had a son ... i just wanted to be able to say "My Son" i really don't want to get pregnant again & be disappointed if it's not a boy plus this pregnancy had made me want to TIE MY TUBES... so horrible already at just 14 wks I'm getting depressed about not enjoying my blessing i just cannot find joy at all anywho sorry if i sound ungrateful or like a horrible woman but i just need to know things other woman done to embrace their journey i feel like a monster😢😭