I seem like I don't give a shit

Sa

Every time my boyfriend does something major to piss me off, such as when I feel like I'm being lied to, I would immediately just want to end the relationship. This has been occurring for almost all my previous relationships, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and was seeking help for it last year but stopped due to financial issues. He says that no matter what, leaving should never be an option. I agree, but my rules are to never lie and to never cheat. I've packed my shit a couple times, but once I've packed and left because I found a couple things on his phone which he promised he wouldn't do. The previous times I wanted to leave as he would shout at me, call me names and sometimes get a little too handsy forcefully while arguing. I'm not perfect either and I've had my fair share of mistakes but I just seem so intolerant and after a while, it just seems to him that I don't care that I lose him. The truth is, I do love him and I care for him, but if I lose him, I'll hurt for a while but I'll go on with my life. I grew up in an abusive household, watched my dad lie/cheat/beat my mom, my first stepmom and my current stepmom. Yep, i've got 3 moms. I've been abused physically/mentally/sexually on a few occasions ever since I was 4 up till I was 18. I'm 22 now, and I have forgiven my father, but the damage is done. And my relationships since then are pretty destructive. I'm the type that goes "If you can't do XYZ then i'm out" or "if you lie to me, i'm out" like it's so easy for me to walk out. Does anyone experience the same thing? How do you cope with it? I'm all "I've been alone and caring for myself ever since my parents divorced when I was 7, and no one was there for me but myself. I am smart, I don't have a shortage of men, and I don't need a man to live. Whatever I want, I work hard for it. Whatever I want to get, I buy it myself." I feel like it is wrong and arrogant. I'm just so confused. How can I improve myself? Also, sorry if this is the wrong place to post. 1st time posting here.