So we fought.....

My entire life my mother has been physically and emotionally abusive.

Today we got together for all the January birthdays in our family, but mainly my grandmother's 70th birthday. My mom planned the whole thing and it was great until we were all talking about a text that my cousin send my mother that my mother misinterpreted and got offended by, so my cousin was wanting my and my grandmother's opinion on the text. My grandma said her two cents and then the three of us (Me, mom, and cousin) finished up the conversation. The convo died naturally and my cousin walked away, then I walked away. As our conversation was winding down my grandmother started showing my sister a couple new plants she was growing so I was going to go talk to them next. However, my mother didn't like my opinion on the text my cousin sent her and she started telling me to go sit down. I'm 23 and married with my own house....so I'm looking at her like she is crazy for thinking I'm a kid again...and so I say no and walk over to my grandmother and sister on the other side of the room. She follows me and I tell her I want to see what they are doing and I'm not going to sit down. She starts pulling on my arm in the direction of the dining room which next to the room we were talking in. We were all originally seated in the dining room. I pull her hand off my arm and again say no. She pushes me, I push her back and then we start fighting. We both got a couple punches in and I'm pissed because my own mother is fighting me over some nonsense. I'm not a child anymore and I get the whole respect thing I really do, but she also has to respect me as well.

My point is...why is she so controlling and trying to fight me just because I won't do as she says?

Also, if anyone can explain to me why she has been evil to me my entire life and yet she is "normal" to my 3 other siblings I would really appreciate it because I have no clue. I'm the oldest and the next oldest sibling is my 17 year old brother.

Update: I never expected to fight my own mother. I expected her to leave me alone like she had been doing. I never expected it to escalate like this. I tried to leave right after the fight, but my family had to lure her away so I could leave, because she wanted to fight me again. I couldn't leave before the fight because I was backed up against an old $1970's tv and there was a wall arc to my right, my grandmother and sister to my left, and my mother in front of me. Fight or flight kicked in and since I couldn't flee, I had to fight for my life so I could flee.

I would love nothing more than to never have anything to do with her again, but I fear that she will harm my siblings since she can't take her hate out on me. I will stay as far away as I can while still keeping tabs on them. My brother has a phone for now.

Yes. My siblings (17 boy, 16 girl, and 6 girl) all saw along with my two adult female cousins and grandma.

I had absolutely no desire to fight her and I only fought to defend myself. I'm not a violent person. I've spent my entire life avoiding as many conflicts as possible. Yes, I have been in fights before, but I never started any fights.