When I was 4 years old, I was raped repeatedly by my father. For many years. Right now, I am 15 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and have been best friends for more than 3 years. He knows about what happened to me as a child and does all that he can to help me and protect me from my flashbacks. My boyfriend and I have an active sex life, oral, not vaginal however. Today I was with him, and we had decided as a couple that we wanted to take that next step in our relationship and lose our virginities together. But it didn’t end well. I trust my boyfriend with all my heart, and a i know he would never do anything to hurt me. But the second that we were about to put it in, i broke down. Not because i’m not ready, or I don’t trust or live him, but because I began to have flashbacks from my childhood. Luckily my boyfriend is extremely understanding and held me close to his heart and let me cry on his shoulder. I feel horrible. We’re both ready. But I feel as if my past of abuse will always get in the way of us. Does anyone have any advice?