So I was with my boyfriend for almost 2 years we were 3 months away from making the 2 years. Before I say anything let me tell you guys a little backstory. 3 months into our relationship I got taken and sold for sex trafficking. When I was able to escape I called my boyfriend and he broke up with me because it was “too much to handle” I died inside. He didn’t hug me, he didn’t ask me if I was okay, etc. so a week or 2 later we get back together and everything went south. So for the past year and 7 months that we were together his body count went up 9 WHOLE NEW FUCKING VAGINAS. He made a sex tape 4 months ago with 2 other ratchet bitches (sorry I hate them.) and so I still took him back. I’m so emotionally attached its Crazy. Last week he came to my house balling his eyes out because I broke up w him that day due to him calling me a “crazy needy bitch” bc I told him spending only 2 days of the week together with his friends there isn’t enough for me. I want more. I want valuable time with him. But whatever he gets there and he’s crying saying he “loved me so much and wants a future with me”. He wanted to “prosper with me” and that he had no intentions to be with anyone else. I’m all he “wanted” I took him back. He made me cry I was so happy to hear that omg I had butterflies for days. So I take him back. Like always. Fast forward 3 days later so FRIDAY JANUARY 12, 2018 we go to a telly and we got drunk had sex and I bought us food (he never pays for shit) it was honestly really fun expect me replaying his sex tape in my head making me not cum that day. But anyways, the day after Saturday the 13th I asked him to chill with me and he said ok and he ended up sleeping the entire time and when I asked him to take me home he said ok ima go chill w my boys... so he can chill and be awake with his friends but not with me? But wait there’s more. That SAME FUCKING SATURDAY HE texted a girl saying “damn you so bad” and the girl replied “what?” And he said “you’re so fine”... i didn’t see it till yesterday that i randomly for the first fucking time vet decided to log into his shit ... I WENT CRAZY I CRIED SO MUCH IMFGGG I WANTED TO DIE. I felt so fucking hurt guys ...do u wanna see what he fuckimg said

So he says this. Dude I died. I literally died inside I started thinking crazy. By crazy I mean suicide. And no dw I’m not going to kms but I was just so sad. Today was a better day I have him blocked. It’s been 24 hours and I’m so fucking proud. I’ve never in the 2 years I’ve had him in my life been able to block him for more than 2 minutes. I get really bad anxiety. I overthink so much. Stupid thoughts like “what if he texted me” “what if he’s calling” but this time I felt like enough is enough. The sex tape should’ve been enough. Leaving me because I got rapped should’ve been enough. But nothing was ever enough for me because i would give my life up for him if I needed too. But anyways sorry I know it’s super long. I just wanted advice on how I can move past this without hurting myself. How can I love myself. I really really really want to love myself. I want to be happy. By myself. Can someone please help me.