Idk what to do.... a super long story but please help!!

A few months ago in august I started talking to this guy I met at work and we got along very well, went on a couple of dates, and began to pursue each other more romantically. Hes an older guy(im 22 hes 27) so from the beginning he stated that he is ready to settle down and start a family which I am 100% cool with. He’s also stated that he sort of wants to be in a polygamist relationship and ive stated that its not my thing yet he countinued talking to me. Since we were not a couple at the time (still not sure if we are tbh) i told him that i have no problem with him talking to other females while we were only in the talking stage. Ive never been in a serious relationship before and also was a virgin at the time. So eventually I let him take my virginity at the end of september(not really sure why. A part of me just wanted to get it over with). And of course, as much as I hate to admit it, it made me connect more with him.

Two weeks later he introduces me to a girl who he called his “gay friend” whi just wanted to smoke with us, and that went pretty well, awkward but couldve have been horrible. Sometime in december he confesses to me that there was a girl who liked him, and she was aware of who I am in his life, but she gave him an ultimatum between her and I, and he said he chose me(I was a little leery but happy I guess). The following week I go to his house to chill like regular and as I’m crossing the street he tells me on the phone “dont over react but the girl I told you about is here” and it just so happens to be the “gay friend”. My heart sunk and I froze and just agreed like an idiot. I continued to chill with the both of them that night and things just got worse. At one point they were really flirtatious and he called her babe unknowingly in front of me. Then we started watching a movie and she wanted yo get comfortable and take off her pants so she did . And he proceeded to lay in between us while I just sat there fighting back anger m, tears, and most importantly my voice. And once she left i still said nothing and bottled it in for A week.

The following week my brain was so rattled from what happened I finally told my best friend while we were at work and it was so hard to fight the tears, and later that night I got super drunk, politely asked him for the girls number, and texted her to figure out wtf happened. According to her, he told her that i was aware if their relationship and must have been fine with it. She had no idea he was downplaying what they had. She even shared that they’d been talking since the end of October and she works down the block from him and they even told each other that they love each other and they fucked on their first date. Once I got home I called him and broke into tears telling him how much he hurt me and how disrespectful he was for the whole situation and also confessed that i love him as well which he said replied he loves me too. I didn’t talk to him for a few days (but I kept contact with the girl) until he decided he wants to speak to us both she we all met at his house to speak and eventually she stormed out and told him she no longer wanted contact with him, and I decided to stay and continue whatever it is that we’re doing.

We were doing better so we decided to exchange gifts and finally meet my mom which he has been begging to do After xmas and when he was at my house his phone rang and it was the girl and he quickly canceled the call. Again I froze and did nothing. Ever since then my trust in him has decreased so much more. I always feel like he is with her when ever he isn’t with me.

I dont know how to open up to people and thats been a problem from the beginning with us(we had a huge fight before this that I will gladly explain if you guys want to know) and two or three weeks ago he told me he was unhappy because I wasn’t as affectionate as he wanted me to be ( I’ve improved recently) and he wanted to take a break but after hours on the phone of mainly me crying about my life and finally opening up, everything got better. But I still wonder if he is still messing with that girl. I still hold back tears because I feel like such a weak woman . But a part of me also wants to trust this man and his word. I just feel like I’m super paranoid about being hurt that I’m making shit up in my head. Oh and one last thing, he called me today and right when I got on the phone I hear him say to his son “this is where ‘the girl’ works but shes not here today”. (I swear I had to have heard that)

I feel like its also important to note that I recently lost my dad and thats when I decided to start dating and being vulnerable because I used to be one cold bitch now I’m a pile of mush and I am also not 100% secure about my mental health like I’m not sure if I have depression or anxiety but I’ve been sad a lot these past months.

ALSO 🙄 I only have unprotected sex with him (I know im horrible and dumb)