I feel I just need to get this out. I don't want to talk about it with any of my friends because they have such huge things happening in their lives I don't want to burden them. I just really need to let this out.

i met my now husband back in 2013 but I didn't think much of him he was just some guy I worked with. he developed an instant crush on me. he had a girlfriend though and knew better than to pursue a crush.

Fast forward to 2015, November. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and *James (husband) had broken up with his girlfriend. So of course this means it's time to go after the girl hes had a crush on for almost 3 years. he gets my attention and we begin to date. I'm not ready for a serious relationship so we take it slowly. I fall for him so hard and so fast. the connection I felt with him was so amazing. We could talk about things for hours and we had similar interests in the things that were important; but we were different enough that we had our individualities.He made me happy.

I remember all these little things in our relationship we would do that I loved so much. He would hold my hand in the car, kiss me at the stoplights, kisses before and aftee work, text me cute things in the middle of the day, bring me my favorite coffee, sleep in only his boxers (which that doesn't seem like anything, but he told me he wasn't comfortable with his body. So with his ex's he always had clothes on. With me though, he felt so at ease). He did all kinds of things to make me feel special. And I knew most of these wouldn't last forever. I knew it was just the honeymoon phase of the relationship.

A few months pass, we left the honeymoon phase. And to my surprise most of those little things didn't go away. We still shared many cute little kisses, texts that made my coworkers jealous, pretty much everything.

May of 2016, we went to his hometown so I could meet his parents. While I was there I found out I was pregnant. Which is something I knew we both wanted. It was one of those well I see this relationship lasting so if it happens then it happens (we weren't too careful with our birth control.) I expected him to be happy. So I ran to our room and woke him up to show him the test. He lifted his head did a quick smile and laid back down. My heart broke a little I didn't expect him to jump around but I wasn't expecting him to do that either. So I laid next to him and went back to sleep. Woke up and we told him parents and mine, a couple friends, and few more close family members. Everyone was excited for our news. He was happy but not excited.

We travel back home and all the cute things stopped. Not gradually either, just a sudden halt. No texts. No cute kisses. No holding hands. Nothing. He began to play video games and play on his phone constantly. I felt ignored. I brought it up to him. He said it didn't seem that way to me. End of conversation. That was it. He didn't need to do any of the things that made me feel special anymore. He had me. I was pregnant with his child. I could go anywhere.

Jan 2017 we have our baby. Things are so great I am riding the new mommy high. He's happy to be a dad. All seems good.

April 2017 I go back to work, he's still looking for a job. He had just left the military December 2016. So we got to be together my entire maternity leave which I enjoyed. So when I went back to work I expected him to pick up on some of the chores. He didn't have to watch our baby because I had him enrolled in daycare. Nope. He would search for jobs for a bit then play video games and nap. Zero communication with me throughout the day. And I don't expect much, just a good morning or a how is your day so far. That's all. And I told him that. His response, "oh well I didn't think of that".

May 2016 he proposes and then June 2016 we elope. He finds a job at the end of June (full time) and starts taking online classes to finish a degree. And no, I have no idea why he didn't do that while he was home from january-june.

Now let's jump to now. I'm sitting in bed writing a story to people who I have never met because I feel like you are more likely to actually listen to me. I have the life I have dreamed of a home, a baby, and a husband who is awesome. Don't get me wrong I love the crap out of him. He is a fantastic person and a good dad. He's just an awful husband. There are so many days where if I didn't talk first we would say anything to each other. I have to baby and parents him to remind him to do simple tasks just so I don't over load myself. I ask him to respond when I ask him a question or tell him to do something so I know he heard and understood me. He won't do that. He lacks the most basic communication skills. I'm lucky if I can get 5 mins of his attention. Sometimes I'll go week with out any physical touch from him. And that's not from lack of attraction. Believe me, I asked. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of nagging and begging. Im tired of feeling alone in a crowed room. I'm tired of trying to talk to him about thing with out getting mad just to be left heartbroken because nothing changes. I'm tired of realigning neglected. I feel so duped because this is not who I fell in love with.

*and now i feel so guilty because I don't think I should feel this way.