So here's my little rant for the day. I'm not only the black sheep of my family but also the least favorite child. I'm the oldest and I have a different father than my siblings so maybe that could have something to do with it but honestly I didn't really see it until now. My entire family hates eachother, my mom hates her family because ever since I was a child they favored me and used to, in a way, put me against my mother. Back then I ignored it but now i see it happening before my own eyes. My mother isn't cruel to me but it's pretty obvious that I'm not the favorite, nor do I fit in that much. A while ago, I witnessed my mother talking to a new friend about us, her kids, and when she spoke about me she said, "idk she just has an attitude idk something about her personality" with a face full of disgust and it honestly just broke my heart a little. It wasn't too much of a surprise because we've never gotten along but her face really said it all and now here I am, thinking back to that moment and wondering why it is that this is the way it is? could it be because I remind her of my father that abandoned her? are our personalities just too different? are we ever really going to get along? I used to think that it was just because of how much trouble I gave her as a child, that when I move out our relationship will improve but now that I've come to this realization I don't think things will change. As horrible as it sounds, I'll always have this ounce of anger and envy because of how different she is towards my other siblings and I will try to work on that. Now all I can do is love her regardless because after all she is my mother and she's always been there for me and loved me, in her own way. Maybe this is me being too dramatic because after all, in most cases every family has their favorite, right?