I wanted an October baby

For the last year I’ve been thinking about if I could choose any month for a baby, I’d want it to be born in October. I fucking love October. I know you can’t really plan this stuff but it was fun to think about. Well, ovulation came and went, and we didn’t make love around any peak time.

January and December has been a pretty stressful time for us. I went from stressfully lacking work on Christmas break to having A LOT of it this month (I’m a substitute and have 2 other jobs). Husband and I have been getting in some stupid arguments, and just are overall just exhausted.

We’ve been in the “if it happens it happens” state of mind for awhile, so I didn’t expect to be this bummed out and upset. Guess it makes me realize how important this is becoming to me. I feel like I have lump in my throat wanting to cry but feeling ridiculous for doing so.