I don’t know what to do

Okay so i don’t really know where to begin, this entire story seems very messy. Anyways my ex boyfriend and i were together for about a year. We started talking when i was 17 and he was 20 but because of the age difference and me still being in high school we mainly just kept it friendly and we literally became best friends. By the time i turned 18 we had officially started dating in December. In the beginning it was good and normal. But by spring i found out he went a weekend away with another girl (that he used to have a huge crush on) and he lied

To me about it & even when i confronted him he kept on lying. Finally he told the truth and they supposedly did nothing sexual but I’m not stupid lol. Anyways so i gave him a second chance and things were really really good for a couple of months. We were really close and telling each other i love you, and i can honestly say he was the first man i ever loved (he was the first guy i ever slept with too). Over the summer tho he had to go away for an internship. The first two months were okay but we both missed each other. Towards the end it started getting bad again, i felt like wasn’t showing me how much he loved me anymore it was just all talk & i needed action. So he broke up with me, considering this was the first guy that I’ve ever slept with and loved i was HEARTBROKEN, like begging him back i would’ve done anything.. i was at an all time low and my self esteem plummeted bc the week after he was already dating another girl. I just felt like trash but i kept on trying to get him back. It was so bad that when he came back home i let him have sex with me while having a girlfriend that was in South Carolina where he had his internship ... this went on for a couple of months and it started getting serious again and he lead me to believe he broke things off with her and he wanted to try again. So i gave him ANOTHER chance which i regret now. Long story short things were going well then i found out he gave me herpes. My whole life has been shitty ever since, I’ve been depressed and i feel like no man will ever want me again. Now i feel completely over him just because of what he did to me, but he isn’t over me. He always telling me how much he loves me and yesterday at a party we were talking he started crying (he NEVER cries) and he even tried to kiss me... Idk how to feel about the entire thing. He said he’s been very depressed over me and i believe him bc he’s a little different now. I don’t if i should just put my foot down and completely cut him off so he can get over me or continue just being friends and talking occasionally? Can someone please help me ? It’s hard for me because i will always love him as a FRIEND but i know i can never love him as a boyfriend again, i just don’t want to hurt him. I know i shouldn’t care because he hurt me AND gave me fucking herpes but i guess i can just never hurt him as much as he hurt me because i know what it feels like. If you were in my shoes what would you do ?