Heartbreak

It's been a year since we split and I'm still insanely in love with this guy, I didn't kiss anyone for 4 months after we broke up and when I finally did it was a very drunk night with a work friend (luckily we both laugh about it now and it's not awkward) and it took me another 2 months to go on a date with a guy who I genuinely started to like and I seen him for a month before we decided to just be friends, he didn't want a relationship and I only wanted one with my ex.... so I went on being single and I have grown so much as a person and I'm so glad I i've had this time to myself, but it does get lonely and that's when 2 months ago I ran into the guy I had been seeing for that month at a party and I had sex for the first time since the brake up it was such an amazing release of frustration and I'm glad it happened! I just can't get my ex out of my head... everything reminds me of him... he was my person... we knew each other for 5 years he gave me 1st aid when I twisted my knee swimming, I'd always had a crush on him but this was my first time talking to him! we had so many misses and when we met he had a girlfriend and I was disappointed but then when they did break up and he asked me out I was already seeing someone who I went on to date for 2 years and when I came out of that he left the country for 2 months and finally then we got to be together August 2016! And it was amazing we clicked our worlds fit together effortlessly, his friends told me how happy I made him, and it was amazing... until I became depressed. In my pervious relationship I'd had a miscarriage and I did confide this with him but as things got harder for me to share he thought I was pulling away and had unresolved feelings for my previous partner so he ended it with me. And now, nearly a year on my only wish for my birthday is to fix it. Whether I get a chance in the future, or magically go back in time... I'm young, and I know I'll meet other people... but I've loved this man since I was 16 years old... and now he's someone else's fairytale...