WARNING: LONG STORY. I need advice, please.

I’m in shock. My boyfriend is on probation, and he gets random visits from his officer. So I’m always worried about him, especially since his new work friends invite him out past his curfew. But although I’m worried, all I ask is for him to let me know where he’s going and if he’s okay. Well he should’ve gotten home at 11:30 last night, but when I woke up at 3am, he wasn’t home, and hadn’t been. So I called, texted. No answer... I was so worried. Did he get pulled over? Was he in custody? Did he get into an accident? So I called maybe 10 times I was so worried. Finally he answered, slurring, didn’t know what was going on. He was drunk.

Someone took the phone from him, told me they had been hanging out and he was passed out drunk on their couch. I asked them where they were and the person on the phone wouldn’t tell me, although he claimed to be sober. So I said send me the address so I can pick him up, and be hung up on me. My panic went into overdrive. All I could think about was if something was wrong, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to my babe.

So I took off at 4 am, calling and calling, no one would pick up. Finally my boyfriend answered, couldn’t follow conversation with me. I was crying, screaming at him to tell me where he was so I could come get him... he kept asking me what’s going on? Why are you acting crazy?

So finally I get it out of him that he’s in Apartments by the hospital. So I drive 30 minutes, he stops answering the phone. So I’m scouring apartments near the hospital. Can’t find him. Finally he calls me sobbing, belligerent and fiiiiiinally I get his addresss and drive over there. I pull up to the apartments, he’s not answering the phone, I’m walking up and down rows of doors, hoping to hear him inside.

He eventually comes out, pissed. We get in the car, driving home, he starts screaming at me, crying, slamming his fist around my car, I’m pretty sure he broke my middle console... then he hits me. My shoulder. Open handed but it hurt like hell. I start crying, why did he put his hands on me? He’s saying he can’t go back to work, I’m to blame. He’s embarrassed I kept calling him, I treat him like a kid, he can’t have friends. Telling me to shut the f*ck up, just really shocked at his actions.

We got home, and I lay down, because I have work at 7am and it’s 5am now. Well he pulls me back by my shirt, which hurts and is yelling in my ear WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!

I get up to get away from him and he backs me up against our dresser, yelling in my face, spit spewing. I try to push him away and he grabs my arms and pushes them down.

I tried to turn my head and he grabs it, hands half way around my neck, and he’s squeezing. I started crying, said he was hurting me. He lessened his grip but for 30 minutes he kept me there, yelling in my face, not even 1 inch of space between us. He’s drunk, he’s drunk, he’s drunk. But can I excuse this? I don’t think so. All the things he said to me, him hitting me... I don’t think I can let it go. And I think I have to end it tomorrow.... I’m so upset. 2 years down the drain in one night. We had a trip planned next week.

I’m thinking about calling his mom. She can come drive up and get him. I can’t deal.

UPDATEEEE: I broke up with him the very next day after this ordeal, and first he was screaming and yelling then crying, saying he was sorry and.. well you know. He said he loved me, and he wished me well. And he’s gone.... I feel like shit. Like I’m all alone. I have to get rid of every speck of him in our room. I’m so heartbroken