I lost her...

When I went to my first Dr appointment I was told the one baby had a hygroma, but it could go away and it did for a little....then this past Sunday I started bleeding (which was nothing to do with this, it was just my cervix). So I stayed off my feet and went to get an ultrasound on Monday to make sure it wasn't the uterus, and there were 3 heartbeats and they were measuring normal; the twins were at 15 weeks and some odd days and my little single babe was at 14 weeks and some odd days. the tech told me she thinks the 2 in the same sac were boys and the single was a girl. I was so happy and excited I didn't see the hygroma came back....I was feeling her kick that night and she was always the one I felt most. today the doctor said her heart stopped beating and that she had down syndrome and probably would have been born with heart problems too. I'm so angry I feel like flipping out like the mom in steel magnolias did at her daughter's funeral..

I think what upsets me most, is every time I get an ultrasound that poor baby will be there...without a heartbeat, not moving, not growing, not ever knowing what it's like outside of me, or what being held is like or knowing any of her family...when I have the twins they'll take that baby out too....and chances are my husband and I will have to decide whether we want to bury her or cremate her...as much as I'm trying to look at it like were lucky to still have two especially when some woman aren't able to carry one, it's hard to not be sad and angry...