Last night my husband and I went to church for the first time in a while, since maybe September or October. It was actually his idea, believe it or not.

This past cycle ttc was our 6th one (now going on our 7th) and my husband was more heartbroken this month than any other month. I think it really actually hit him a lot harder than me. Each month he feels more and more like something is wrong with HIM. Which I don’t believe because he has an almost four year old son with another woman (I firmly believe something is wrong with me and I will be making a doctors appointment soon, I’m just so nervous.)

Anyway, he suggested that we start going to church because he felt that we were getting farther and farther away from God and losing our faith more and more with every month that we don’t get our precious little baby. Of course we know that God ultimately decides when we get our child, but understand that it’s a little hard to keep your faith when you pray to God every day and night for 6 months and still get nothing (because it feels so much longer than 6 months)

So we went to church at 6:30pm last night and took my husbands little sister with us.

And it almost seemed like the sermon was for us. He talked about God always having the right path for us, always having a plan for us. Even if we feel like we’re stuck in the same cycle, doing the same thing just to have no results. He has a plan. We have a purpose.

The pastor said “There are people in this room who feel like they’re stuck in the same cycle and feel like it has no purpose. The Holy Spirit is telling me. Come up here so I can pray for you.”

My heart started beating crazy out of control because I have anxiety when it comes to standing in front of crowds but I just knew he was talking about me. And about my husband. So, despite my fear, I grabbed my husbands hand and dragged him to the stage.

We were then anointed, and the pastor prayed for us.

He said “God, help this young couple. Fill them with the Holy Spirit because they are NOT a mistake.” And then he shook our shoulders a little bit.

And said “It’s NOT an accident.” Again! He kept praying for us and I just immediately felt the presence of something. Whether it be the Lord or the Holy Spirit or whatever it was.

I needed to go last night and I am so happy that my husband suggested it. I know that my life is meant to be spent with this man. I was losing hope with ttc and was almost to the point of giving up. But I won’t. I will be a mother. Because God works in mysterious ways. And he will withhold no good thing from people who do right.

I just try to keep in mind that it’s all in God’s timing. All in God’s timing. It isn’t up to me, or him. But it is up to Him. Glory to God. Always.

Psalm 113:9 💝