Don't know how much longer I can do this..😓

TTC is such an exhausting emotional roller coaster, and I'm burning out. I want to believe it will happen when the time is right, but what if it doesn't? It truly makes my miscarriage seem like a cruel joke. It's like you put a cake in the oven, and you're so excited for that cake, waiting for it to bake so you can enjoy every bit of it...and then Satan walks into your kitchen, takes it out and smashes it on the floor right in front of you. It's fucking cruel.

I miss being normal. I miss when I would wait for AF without ever even testing and when she showed, I'd shrug my shoulders and go on with my day. No big deal.

Now, I can hardly get to 6dpo without testing. I'm obsessing over every little thing I feel. And once I start getting close enough to AF's due date and am still getting negatives, well then the depression kicks in. Then once my period is almost done, I'm ready for the next egg to drop and my next chance...but it just never happens. I have read and tried all the weird tricks, and nothing.

Sorry for the downer post, but I'm tired of the heartbreak. I just don't know if I can handle it anymore.