OK well long story short. I am a mother of 3 , all by different fathers. me and the first father don't speak I actually hate him. second, we have a nice love hate thing but for the most part we are OK.. long as we not together. together we are a toxic mix of mental illnesses and violent tendencies. 3rd father tho, its complicated. he was my best friend, became my side piece ( back up plan, affair participant, etc) now we have a 4 yr old and after 3 years of creeping and than another 3 of hiding the truth of our child, all sins are out on the table and he doesn't want to be with me. making it very clear all the time but contradict himself by saying he does love and want to be with me but its not the way he wants me. I keep having my feelings and spirit broken by him at this point cause I am almost forcing myself into his life and he only wants to see me to have sex than we go our separate ways until next time. we talk online on social media but beyond that he is a ghost in mine and his child's life. I'm tired of trying force him to be there for either of us honestly. worn out. but in in love badly. how do I break these feelings to save what's left of my heart and for my child's sake? BTW number 2 very much still wants a relationship but I'm too far in love with number 3 to even attempt. that and we have 7 years of damaged relationships between us two.