I've been trying to think of the shortest way to tell my story & ask for your advice... and I have a feeling it's still going to be long lol

I've been with Tim for 11yrs. We have a very unhealthy relationship. We barely ever talk (he always has an excuse 'im tired' or 'you just want to fight' or 'im so stressed, I'm not in the mood') & I'm saying he NEVER wants to talk unless it about his job. He also has a drug problem I've put up with for years because I love him.

One day over the summer, Brian, a high school friend of his, came over. It was instant connection. He began pursuing me & I kept trying to fight off his advances. One night, he came back over to have some drinks. My boyfriend's brother stays with us & he ended up getting violent with me that night. My boyfriend didn't do anything but Brian said he wasn't leaving me here to get treated like a punching bag. We went to his apartment & we did sleep together. The next day he took me to dinner & I ended up leaving that night. Than the pursuing started again....One night he kept asking to come over & he was clearly drunk. I kept telling him not to but he showed up anyway.

Now at this point, I'm really digging on this guy. He was funny & sweet & caring....not to mention the most gorgeous man I've ever seen! He was tired of me calling & crying because the drugs were getting so bad that he told me to pack my things & stay with him. I gave Tim one last chance & he literally picked crack over me. So I moved from the suburbs to Corktown which is in Detroit. I loved it out there. I also fell in love with Brian really fast. It was all TOO fast.

Things were great for a while. We both like to drink but together, we drank way too much.

I'm not going to get into it because it's not too relevant to my question but I also struggle with a demon. I told Brian the night we met everything about me. Which wasn't a good idea. Soon, he would get drunk and call me names and treat me like a piece of shit. But only when he drank. That's why I always forgave him. After a while, I knew I was being emotionally, verbally & mentally abused by this man but it was only when he was drunk so I forgave him.

I decided to go to a treatment center to get a grip on my demons and he promised he would quit drinking once I got out. After a month in rehab, I lasted 2 days before I drank smh. As for my other drug if choice, I relapsed once (which will come into my story soon) but that's it. And the same shit would happen with the name calling and hurting my feelings. I told him, as an addict, I can't ever forget what I did in my past but I can't dwell on it or I'll beat myself up.

Things were getting too bad with his drinking and being mean so I moved back in with Tim. We didn't get back together but I stay with him. Brian and I decided we both thought it was worth it to try and have a relationship the right way (like NOT moving in together after knowing each other about two weeks). We also decided when we would see each other, we wouldn't drink because we would always fight. Than it turned into nasty texts and Facebook messages. I would wake up some mornings with over 80 messages from him.... Ranging from saying super mean things to sending me music talking about how he loves me. It became a pattern... Every other day this would happen. We could spend all day having a wonderful conversation and at the end of the night, he was calling me every name in the book. Yet...I always forgive him.

We see each other pretty frequently & we're still sleeping together. He tells me he has hope for a future with me but than will go into a mean rant.

A couple weeks ago, he had hurt me so many times I relapsed. I had some left over for the next day and stashed it in his bathroom. He ended up finding it. I thought for sure he would never talk to me again but that didn't happen. He was extremely pissed though.

Last week I bought him a "thinking of you" card. When I get cards, no matter what the occasion, I like to write a note myself. I poured my heart out saying how I'm willing to work my ass off to make our relationship work, how I never thought I'd love anyone other than Tim and how he gives me hope for my life. I gave him the card today. First, he said it was so sweet and he was beginning to lose hope for us but after reading my card, he had hope again. We started making plans for the next day and all of a sudden he snapped and even said the card made him sick because I lie so much. I lost it, crying so hard and told him I didn't care if the card didn't matter to him...it mattered to me.

There are a lot of things I've left out of this story... Trying to keep it short but that didn't even help lol. I'm very much in love with this man but I feel like he will never quit drinking and no matter what, he will throw my past in my face. What would u do and how? I appreciate any advice and thank you for taking the time to read this long post