Why do YOU think motherhood is full of judgement/competition or unsolicited advice?

Question

This is something I personally deal with often. I know a girl who is a stay at home mom to their 2 children. I work full time and have 1 child. Anytime in conversation with her, she always has it “worse” than I do. I would never try to claim that day to day life is easy for her as i can imagine being at home with 2 children is hard, and I often try to show her sympathy if she complains about her day, but she always makes comments that I should not be tired because I “get a break” when I go to work. I have had to deal with her comments for roughly 3 years, and I’m very close to the point of snapping. I also have several Facebook friends (I have been deleting several day by day) that will comment on things I share or post. Example, I shared a story the other day about life of a full time working mom, and i had numerous comments stating “at least you got time away” or “try being in my shoes”. I have noticed a trend of judgement/competition in motherhood. Why do you all feel this is the case?

Accepted Answer

I honestly don’t understand this. Being a mom is amazing and difficult. End of story. No need to make it a competition.

Answer

I'm not sure why some people want to win the "my life is harder" competition. Sounds a bit masochistic-ish to me. 
I'm sure you're doing great. I think best thing you can do is straight out ignore her when she says those things. Like, when she says something, just walk out and let her talking alone.

Answer

I have distanced myself from the moms who want to one up everything. It’s not a competition.

Answer

People are assholes. Any time someone does something different, people will judge. Being a mom is hard. Full stop. I have done both SAH and work as a mom, and wouldn't say one is easier than the other. They each have their ups and downs.

Answer

I think a lot of mom's want the "I have it harder than you award". I opened up to this girl (she has 4 kids) recently about how long it's been taking to concieve a second child, and she literally said "That's kind of lucky in a way, at least you're not like me that gets pregnant by just sneezing, having one is easier anyway. At least you get some peace + quiet in your house"... she actually complained about having too many kids to someone struggling. O.M.G... Ppl are always trying to make their struggles seem harder than someone else's.

Answer

Because miserable people want to make others miserable to make themselves feel better. We love ina world where we’re either keeping up wit the the Jones’ or failing. I brush 90% of those kinds of people off. Count your blessings instead of tearing another down. If we all did everything the same we might as well be Cybermen.

Answer

Because society conditioned women to place their value on their maternal and spousal skills and ability before we were allowed to get careers. 
That literally was not even 100 years ago. Throw in careers, me time, etc. and everyone’s competing to “show off” with who can ‘balance it all’ best. It’s something I hope we evolve out of soon.

Answer

I’m not a mother yet, but I watched my mum get all kinds of comments like this while growing up. I even had my own friend’s parents tell me that my mum had it easy and one even told me that my mum wasn’t a good mother because she worked. 
Personally, I think there’s a stigma that women should stay home and not work that’s still alive and well in our world today. So working mothers get crap for doing a job. I know my mum worked very hard at work and could come home exhausted, still have work to do and she’d make dinner, help with homework, put us to bed, clean the house and then finish her work. She definitely didn’t have it easy. I don’t think SAHM have it easy either, but their struggles are different. 
What my mum started saying to these people was ‘until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes please don’t tell me that I have it easy being a working mother’. Generally people stopped after that, if they didn’t she cut them off and moved on. I know she’d never appreciate those kinds of comments on Facebook either. She finds it rude because it’s like her friends always have to one up her with their problems and that she can never have an issue because ‘she gets a break’ or ‘she doesn’t pay enough attention to her kids and maybe if she was home more she wouldn’t have this issue’. 
From what I’ve seen from my mum, my friends parents and my friends who are
now mothers is that being a mum is hard work. Everyone has struggles. Working mothers and SAHM have different struggles. I wouldn’t say one or the other is harder though. Women need to stop judging other women for their choices (personally my mum is a better mum for working because she’d hate staying home all day and that would make for a happy Mum) and stop constantly trying to compare themselves or prove that they have it harder and just accept that other mums have problems too and let them have their problems

Answer

I think I am guilty of this one upping. But I didn’t mean for it to be that way, I thought I was relating by sharing my stories. In hindsight I should have listened and just encouraged them. I’ve made a new mom friend who is endlessly supportive and encouraging and offers helpful insight when I am venting about motherhood and she has really taught me to be a better mom friend. I regret having made anyone feel like I was competing. It’s the curse of being socially awkward. I’ve always had trouble relating to other woman. I am thankful I’ve gotten better at it and kind of wish I could go back and slap myself.

Answer

I think complaining makes people feel like they are working hard. I think people feel that The absence of complaints=the absence of effort. Every decent mother and father works hard, and it would be amazing if we could all recognize that. Obviously complaints are bound to happen since parenthood is stressful, but it shouldn’t be the only way we express how our children are.

I do my best to stay positive when talking to people about my child, and respect any mom/dad that is doing their best!

Why do YOU think motherhood is full of judgement/competition or unsolicited advice?

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