39 weeks, sex to help with labor *vent session*

So everyone has been saying to have lots of sex to help with dilation and etc, even my doctor told me to do it to help with dilation... I have been so self conscious and so uncomfortable that I haven’t even considered the idea!! I can’t imagine having sex right now because of all the pressure I feel down there, and all the back pain. Tonight I decided to give it a try because my husband asked, so we did... halfway through I just couldn’t continue. It actually hurt so bad! .... he told me it was fine and that I’m pregnant and he totally understands, he gave me a kiss goodnight, told me he loves me and we laid back down to go to sleep. I came to the bathroom to “pee” but in reality I am crying my eyeballs out!

1. Because I want this baby out and I have tried literally everything to help get the ball rolling...

2. I feel like a failure as a wife. My husband and I haven’t had sex since I was 32 weeks and he says he understands and never gives me a hard time about it, but I know how much he must miss it... I am so sad and disappointed in myself that I couldn’t at least make him happy for a little bit.

Maybe it’s the hormones, and don’t get me wrong, I love being pregnant, especially after a previous loss... but I also can’t wait to have my old life and regular routine with my hubby back, although I know a lot is going to be different! this little dude needs to come out! 😩😩😩😩😩