It just gets worse

Two weeks ago my mother and I got into an altercation and she kicked me out. I’m living with my unemployed boyfriend and I’m barely getting any hours at my job. I’m only 18 and it seems the worlds on my shoulders. My boyfriend hasn’t been affectionate and when he is it’s only when it’s convenient for him. I know I’m stressed out but every little thing seems so big. I have a surgery tomorrow and I’m so scared. But the thought of not waking up keeps crossing my mind and I almost hope for it. All my friends are getting accepted into colleges and I can barely keep up with highschool. I feel disgusting. I feel so worthless.