why do i have to be upset or angry

my partner and i have been together for nearly a decade and it’s coming to a point where i’ve tried voicing my concerns and how i want things to change and they are well aware of how unhappy i am. love my partner to death but why do i need to get upset or angry in order for them to actually do things i always wanted? like show affection or date night & etc?? i shouldn’t and don’t want to be a ass but it’s so frustrating