can i get some opinions on what might be wrong with me bc i know something is?

so i’ve been studying up on borderline personality disorder (BPD, more specifically, quiet BPD) and i don’t want to self diagnose myself but i also don’t want to mention going to a psychiatrist to my mom bc every time i talk to her about my mental health she’s like “i don’t know what’s so bad in your life to be like this, you have a good life, you’re fine”

so i’ve been depressed for a really long time and i used to self harm a few years back and i still find myself wanting to when i have what i call an ‘episode’

I just started noticing recently how bad it’s actually gotten to where i don’t think it’s just depression anymore. I’ll break down at random times, even in public or with my friends but mostly when i’m by myself. i’ll start crying and thinking about how much i hate myself and how much i want to die. I’ll stare at myself in the mirror for like an hour and just talk to myself while i cry and just like put myself down? i’ll say things like “you’re worthless” or “you’re so ugly” like i’ll actually have a conversation with myself as if i’m two different people. just telling myself how worthless i am.

i get an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and i just sit there in front of a mirror and hate myself basically. it’s unsettling honestly and i’m trying to figure out what it is. i’ll also sometimes hit myself or dig my nails into my thigh or something. it’s really weird and i feel crazy, i mean i might be?

i also have sudden outbursts of anger if the slightest thing goes wrong. i’m trying to figure out what’s going on, so if you have any ideas they would be greatly appreciated

thanks and sorry this is so long