I’m so tired of being told “it will happen when it is meant to.” I’m so tired of seeing women getting pregnant that don’t even want to be pregnant. I’m so tired of seeing women getting pregnant that do drugs and smoke while they are pregnant... Most of all...I’m just tired.

I don’t have PCOS, I don’t have endometriosis, so WHY THE FUCK can’t I get pregnant?! I have been tracking and everything and just when I think it’s finally my month and suddenly these symptoms show up that I never experienced until I got pregnant with my son but...NOPE...it’s AF.

After several months of nothing I finally said I’m done...not trying anymore. I quit tracking and just tried to let it happen on its own. Kept getting told “relax and that’s when it will happen.” “Stop thinking about it, quit stressing.” I tried all of that and guess what?! STILL nothing.

My best friend just announced that she’s having a boy and as her best friend, I want to be so happy for her and supportive but right now, I just hate her and everyone around me that is getting pregnant and I still can’t.

I’m dying inside... it’s just not fair! 😭😭😭

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Thank you ladies for all of your kind words of encouragement and letting me know I am not alone on this journey.

When it comes to my best friend, I’ve never said an unkind word to her about her pregnancy. I try to be as upbeat as I can and be as supportive as I can. I love her no matter what and I am truly happy for her.

As for my own life, I have quit trying and I don’t even track my ovulation anymore. I haven’t for the last couple of months because it’s just too expensive and my SO thinks it’s better if we just let it happen naturally.

On the stranger side, I noticed bleeding during my fertile window that has never happened before. I only saw it once and that was it. Some said it was possible ovulation bleeding which for my sake is hopefully good news. My SO and I had a morning quicky then about 12 hours later I noticed the spotting. I’m not going to get my hopes up at all and just try to patiently wait for AF...or not AF. I’m slowly learning to just quit stressing about it and enjoy what we have. After all, we have 2 puppies and my 9 year old to handle right now so maybe it’s best if I just let it go.

Again, thank you all for your kind words and I wish everyone else that is currently trying lots of baby dust and those that are already pregnant, a happy healthy pregnancy.

Xoxo

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