Can you be considered an ally if your partner is a bigot?

Question

So CC, I pose the question, can you be an ally to those LGBT+ and those of a different race if your partner is a bigot? 
This is not a debate about someone’s lifestyle this is just whether you could consider yourself an ally or not.

Accepted Answer

I think absolutely everyone has unconscious bias and prejudices. Actively challenging the ones someone notices in their partner, and listening to like feedback is an excellent way to be an ally. That’s something we try to practice in our relationship. 
Being with a proud of their own bullshit true bigot on the other hand, I think excludes someone from sincere allyship.

Answer

I think that if you can be romantically involved with a bigot, it just proves that you are able to excuse harmful beliefs and behaviours that affect marginalised groups. 
I don’t think you can claim to be an ally while simultaneously excusing blatant bigotry from someone very present in your life.

Answer

It depends on why they are that way. If it is genuine hate, then I’m not sure how that would work. Hate is not easy to fix...
But ignorance can be cured by education. As I said on another post, my husband was homophobic when we first started dating.
For him it was ignorance, not hate. 
I always questioned why he felt the need to say homophobic comments and where it stemmed from. I would have never married him if I thought he was genuinely hateful. He was always open and curious whenever I used his homophobic comments to start a dialogue on why it was wrong to talk that way and feel that way about people he had never met.
I eventually broke through to him about it. He is no longer homophobic and supports LGBTQ+. He will call out other people for their homophobia just as quickly as I will.
I think it is important to educate when ignorance is involved. My husband was just raised that way and just was parroting what his parents had always said. He didn’t have any experience with any gay people. A little gentle education and actually meeting some people that were gay changed his views and opened him up to a lot of good friends that we both love to spend time with on a regular basis!

Answer

I was just saying how I was talking to a guy when I was single. I really liked him at the time. One night he was drinking and he starts making anti Semitic comments. I left and blocked him so fast. I can’t imagine being with someone who held beliefs like that (and that goes for racist, transphobic, sexist, homophobic and everything else). Equal rights is something I bring up so often that I can’t imagine that relationship would go anywhere. We’d make each other miserable.

Answer

I couldn’t be romantically involved with a bigot without being utterly ashamed of myself. I don’t see there being a possibility of any kind of loving relationship with someone so ignorant. Intelligence is a huge turn on for me, & I just automatically assume bigoted people are uneducated & simple minded. I don’t really see how 2 people with such different view points would want to be together anyway. I guess anything is possible though?

Answer

No. If you can excuse bigotry you aren’t an ally.

Answer

You cannot be an ally while excusing bigotry. Ignorance is one thing. Willful ignorance and bigotry is another. If they refuse to be educated, they're outright racist/phobic. No sugarcoating bullshit. 🤷

Answer

I think it’s more whether or not they tolerate the bigotry from their partner. They may make efforts to change their partners outlook and that’s fine. But being an ally is defined by action, not inaction. No one is an ally if all they do is say “yeah I support x group” but don’t actually make efforts to help said group. Being an ally and being accepting are not synonymous. If someone allows another to be bigoted (in a situation where speaking up doesn’t put them at risk or anything extreme) then they are not an ally.

Answer

I really don’t think so. I think you are the company you keep, and eventually one of you is going to rub off on the other. If the bigot rubs off on the supposed ally (which I’ve seen happen before) then that person was never really an ally to begin with, and they’re too easily influenced to do excuse bullshit in the name of love. That’s how people end up robbing stores or committing murder with their significant other 😂
Seriously though, no. The minute you’re making excuses for a bigot, then you’re not as down for the cause as you thought. Anybody who was racist, homophobic, anti-semetic, a fierce supporter of Donald Trump or leaning towards any oppressive behaviour, it would be time for me to act like I don’t know you.

Answer

I guess I would wonder how you could be with someone like that but think yourself an ally. Not that they are mutually exclusive in theory but living with anyone who disagrees so completely with some thing I completely support. That sounds awful.

Can you be considered an ally if your partner is a bigot?

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