Advice: baby visitors criteria

How did you decide on whom should stay/visit your baby in the early days? What were your criteria? What was your experience?

My Drama 😭:

My mom and I have had our differences. She has a mental illness (bipolar) and can be really unstable, violent, manipulative and demanding (issuing ultimatums). But sometimes she’s fine.

I left home 10 years ago, when I was 18, have been financially independent since (even went without healthcare until I was 26 because my mom would try and use it as leverage). My husband and I are very happy and live a very drama-free, secure life. I live far away from home and started talking to my family on a weekly basis for the past two years. Since I’ve been pregnant, my mom has been very disrespectful to my parenting wishes (things like no posting my baby on Facebook, buying inappropriate gifts, etc., going to psychics for “info” about my baby). She’s started three huge and completely absurd fights with me in the past 7months of my pregnancy (1. “You’re keeping the baby name secret from me—you have to tell me! I have grandma rights! I birthed you!” 2. “You get NO say in your babyshower; it’s a gift haha!” 3. “I want to get drunk and fight a neighbor at your brother’s wedding and if you don’t back me up you’re cut off!!!”). Good stuff.

I’m rethinking having her around my new baby due in May, as sad as that is—I’m actually rooting for her to get her act together and wish we could have a normal relationship. I’m very headstrong and tough and don’t go along with her bullying. I know it will be so much drama to reject her but just as much or not more to have her around. Tips? Advice?