Please help I am very confused.

I am attracted to a man 20 years older than me. I am almost 18... We are only friends and work together through music. I am not in a relationship with him but I might have a crush on him.

I don’t know how I feel right now. I’m on my period, I sometimes don’t feel attracted to him (bc duh he’s way older than me) but then again I do. Is this love or hormones? Is it really him that I love or is it that we are both musicians and connect through music? He compliments my music A LOT ... I don’t understand what I’m feeling... (no we are not sexually active or sexually involved i am a virgin) but at times I find myself highly and highly attracted to him. Even horny at times. I really don’t understand what I’m feeling. I know this is wrong... i sometimes hate myself for it because i don’t know how to deal with it at times. I don’t have anyone i can talk to about these sort of things. Someone please explain what’s going on. Is there something wrong with me that I am crushing on a guy that much older than me? Please ... don’t judge either