Is it me or is it them? 😂

Question

A little background before I get into the story. I am 28 weeks with our first baby, I am 33, we have been married 8 years and lived away from family for all of it. I am also a very independent person and feel like the only person I need is my husband. I am due mid May. 
So here’s the tale....last night my MIL asks when she could come visit after the baby comes, with my husbands grandmother. Weird because a few weeks ago my husband and her had this conversation. I said mid June as you guy already talked about. She pitches a fit and says she wants to be her for the birth and immediately after. 😳 My husband and I have already decided we will be the only ones in the room during birth (and the midwife) and we want a week after the baby to adjust to our new family and get to know our little one. Also my older sister, who basically raised me, is coming out after that week. She said for a month I am gonna try to get it down to 2 weeks. I also don’t want too many visitors at one time so we don’t get overwhelmed. My MIL goes on to tell me she has been planning to come out for the birth since we told her, this is news to me. Early on I was actually upset because of her lack of excitement. My SIL, her daughter, is due 3 weeks after me so I also assumed she would wait until after that baby came to fly across the country to visit us. She got mad at me last night and stopped texting me back. This is her EIGHTH grandchild. I am to the point with our families that I am going to make a google calendar with black out dates and let them fight over slots. Am I being crazy hormonal momma bear or is my family just driving me crazy?

Answer

My MIL stayed with us the first two nights we had the baby home and drove to our house (an hour from hers) a couple of times the first few weeks. It was always helpful to have her. She took the baby so I could sleep. She tidied the house. My mom came and stayed some too, but wasn’t super helpful. We had friends and family bring us meals every other day for the first few weeks. Anyone who came was super respectful about whether or not they could hold the baby and checked to make sure when they wanted to come was ok. I always erred on the side of letting family come - my baby is not just my baby. My baby needs her family in her life. However, do what is best for your family. But also realize that of course grandma wants to be there to meet baby asap, and really those early days it’s nice to have a little help

Answer

I feel you. My MIL text me yesterday TELLING me she is coming to visit when the baby is born. We had already agreed on a June visit. I told my partner to tell her that she is welcome to meet the baby at the hospital, but we won’t be having any visitors over when we get home. I’m actually a lot worse than you because I’ll let my parents come over, but no one else. My MIL is definitely upset by this, but I am so close to my parents, they live 5 minuets away and would be super helpful. If my in laws were around I would be so stressed and feel like I need to entertain. So they can be mad if they want and I know it’s selfish, but it’s my first kid so I’m doing what makes me comfortable. My partner made me feel better about it last night when I started feeling guilty. She said “first of all...there isn’t a single request you could make that would be unreasonable. You are allowed to have everything you want right now.” 🤗❤️

Answer

We live far from family and are asking for at least a week as well. We want time to bond before people visit. Most are super understanding, some are offended but what is most important is that you do what makes sense for you, your partner and the baby.

Answer

That is a tough one.  Will you have to entertain or will she be helpful? How long does she expect to stay?
It is never fun to feel forced into having people over.  I know grandparents/extended family are excited, but that doesn’t give them an excuse to ignore basic manners and INVITE themselves over.
But, I am thinking she wants to visit you first so she can be available when her daughter goes into labor.
Again, it is a tough decision.  I know people who were apprehensive about visitors at first who were thankful to have them when the time came, but I also know moms whose situation was more stressful because of the visitors.

Answer

Having the moms over can be super useful.  My mom came out for each of my sister's babies either the day after or just before the birth.  She cleaned the house, cooked the meals, and took care of the babies whenever my sister and her husband needed to sleep.  Both my MIL and mom are coming out for when I give birth, and neither has any expectation of being entertained.  I am so grateful to know that they will be here to help with our first baby.
  However, if you are anticipating needing to entertain your MIL, then heck no.  You are going to be so exhausted.  As far as the timing it does sound like she just doesn't want to miss her daughter's due date - which is understandable.

Answer

Update: it was a little bit of both 😂😂😂 my MIL was confused about the due dates. She thought mine was after my SIL. So she is now fine coming mid June. Also my sister said she may come a little later than previously talked about and she’s is only staying for about a week. I am so relieved this has worked it self out. I love my family and am excited for them to meet our child but I want to get to know her first and make sure we have a handle on all the craziness of a new little one. I want their visits to be as stress free as possible for everyone involved. Thank you to everyone who commented and gave me their perspective.

Answer

With my first, my husband’s aunt showed up at the hospital hours after my daughter was born.  She helped raise my husband since his mom was in another country.  I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with how quickly she came last time and I want at least 12 hours to recover with this one.

Answer

I would be the same

Answer

I have no clue what her expectations are. She has never visited before. My SIL said that with her last 2 she wasn’t helpful, she just sat on the couch. My SIL is having her 3rd and has a history of being early which is why I thought she would wait till after. My sister on the other hand I have no issues putting her to work. My husband is going to speak with my MIL today. He agrees mid June is best, after my SIL has her baby. The rest of my family is being super chill and telling us to get settled before they come visit, I am thankful for that.

Is it me or is it them? 😂

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