My boyfriend doesn’t listen to how I feel

My boyfriend and I have been together a year now and every time I get slightly upset with something he’s done and try to tell him (nicely) how I feel he gets angry and thinks I mean I want out of the relationship. I’ve never been able to put my foot down and ask him to do something differently without him going full break up mode on me and getting super upset even when I try to tell him politely without starting arguments. This makes me feel undervalued and like he’s not listening to how I feel when it’s most important. To me, it almost seems like he’s trying to use this defense mechanism of “hurting them before they hurt you” type thing to void being hurt himself. I don’t know for sure though, any thoughts???suggestions???