How do I tell my friend who has struggled with fertility that I'm pregnant?

Question

I'm in a dilemma and I don't know how to navigate it. My very best friend has been with her husband for 12 years, married for four, and been actively TTC for three. She has had two miscarriages at early stages, and has not been able to become pregnant again for more than a year now. I love her like a sister, and I KNOW she is going to be thrilled for me, but I don't want to hurt her. It also doesn't help that my husband and I are blessed, and became pregnant our first month not using protection. Yes, we're so happy, but that's just salt in the wound for her, isn't it? 
Please help me with advice on ways to share my news with her. She is aware that we were planning on TTC, so that has already been established.

Answer

I would just tell her. I was that friend. I struggled with fertility issues and while we were TTC my sister got pregnant without trying- a surprise blessing.  I was happy for her. My only suggestion is not to talk to her about the not so pleasant symptoms of early pregnancy unless she asks. My sister talked to me about morning sickness and fatigue until I told her I would gladly change places with her.

Answer

Tell her BY PHONE so she can keep it brief and have privacy if she gets upset. This is what we did with my SIL.  I didn't want to blind side her in person and then she is stuck crying or having to force a smile. We told her by phone and in her voice was obviously upset even though she congratulated us. She kept it brief.

Answer

I’ve been on both ends of this. I’d say tell her in person. But at the end of a time you spend together, so she has time to get herself through it. If it can be with her husband, that would be best. You having a baby doesn’t change her chances, but it gives room for extremely unwelcome self-pity. I always was happy for friends, but found that I had to react in private first.

Answer

I went through this same situation. I decided to tell her right away so it didn’t come across as awkward. I tell her everything so waiting would have just made it obvious. As soon as I told her she genuinely expressed her excitement for me. I didn’t apologize or even bring up Her struggles, and either did she. I had been trying for 3 years, which paled in comparison to her 8 years. When I talk to her, I let her ask about the pregnancy and I don’t complain to her about it. I know how it feels to hear woman complain about being pregnant when you so desperately want a baby. But let’s be real, sometimes it really does suck lol! Bottom line, it may hurt her a little to hear it, but if she’s really your friend, it won’t change the relationship that you have. Congrats and good luck💕

Answer

Maybe acknowledge that she might be upset and that you know it’s been hard for her also 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

I’ve just recently been on both ends of this. On one hand my friend accidentally got pregnant and told me and I was torn apart and I’ve been TTC almost a year. Then literally a week later I found out I was pregnant and had to tell my other friend who’s been TTC 9 months that I was pregnant. Luckily she’s my best friend and is super supportive and happy for me and I was very careful for her feelings and let her know it was okay to be upset. I still feel bad though.

Answer

My husband and I have been TTC for a year w/o any luck. My sister took me out for coffee and told me she was pregnant (without even trying, for the 2nd time). It’s not going to be easy for her to hear but if she’s a good friend she’ll put her issues aside and be happy for you! My sister said she expected me to cry, which I may have a little bit on the car ride home but not because of anything she did or said just how unfair life is in general! A baby is a blessing, congratulations!!

Answer

Just tell her. My sister has major infertility issues. She managed to have one healthy pregnancy and my niece was born before my first. But when we started TTC for #2 she had multiple miscarriages, and has had one during my pregnancy, but I can’t imagine not having told her when I got my positive. You’re friend will be happy for you, even if she has a hard time expressing it, and it might take her a little while to process it.

Answer

just tell her simply and don't go into much detail about how easy it was. have another subject ready to talk about if she seems uncomfortable.

Answer

as someone who has struggled with infertility and recently had a (formerly) close friend literally give birth before telling me...UGH. (they just moved away, but knew we'd been struggling for years)  For reals, take her out for coffee or tea and tell her.

How do I tell my friend who has struggled with fertility that I'm pregnant?

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