Who is at the wrong? Family problems, please help ):


Hi, I’m a 17 year old girl who is going through something right now. This is my first post so I’m nervous but here it goes. Back in December, my dad was taken by the cops because my mom had finally called about him abusing her (for several several years and I finally made her call) he’s also an alcoholic. Well they made it so my dad couldn’t live with us anymore. Before this, my mom explained what would happen if it was just us, how we’d feel so relaxed, how she’d pay for the house by herself (even when I told her that it’d be better to move), and just how overall nice it’d be, and it was for the first week or 2. Then, she started to disappear more without letting me know and going out every single night to the point where I was home alone 24/7 days and nights. Then she started “seeing” this guy, but I’m pretty sure she was seeing him even while being married to my dad. Also, the guy has money. At this point I’ve met the guy once, only saying hi and being already extremely uncomfortable. Fast forward, I start getting really suspicious of my mom, she’s been sleeping in the basement and always shutting the door (which she never does especially when my cat’s litter box is down there) so I search down there and I find a bag of over night things, a laptop, shoes, an android charger plugged in by the bed (we have apple), bags of clothes that say “cheater” (indicating he’s cheated on his wife with my mom), and even real GUNS. At his point I’m extremely pissed and like wtf, my mom was sneaking some guy in behind my back and allowing him to not only sleep here with her, but LIVE here, with a TEENAGE DAUGHTER. Well I start being all distant with my mom and I finally confront her, well she gets mad at me and yells at me about it and says “it was only for a few days, I don’t understand what the problem is” (it wasn’t for a few days this has been going on for MONTHS) I figure that since I confronted her, it wouldn’t happen again, especially since his stuff was gone the next day. Well a week or two later, the week of my 17th birthday, I find foot prints in the snow in my backyard that leads to the basement’s door, along with again, his over night stuff, laptop, the guns. I confront her once again and she says the same crap about her not understanding what the problem is. This time, I tell her how it makes me feel, crying and having a panic attack about it to her. Now, I have terrible anxiety and social anxiety, BPD, depression, NO friends at school, my only friend being my somewhat long distance boyfriend so my emotions go wild and everything I say is genuinely how I feel and has a huge impact on me. I tell her how unsafe I feel, how uncomfortable, and just how disgusting it is that she thinks what she’s doing is fine. Heck, when my DAD lived here, I would stay in my room for hours without going to the bathroom, eating, anything, to the point where I’d be considered anorexic. With some random guy, it was even worse. I dropped to 95 lbs at a 5’3” height. But yet my mom still yelled at me about it and didn’t care about my feelings..now it’s this week, I took the ACTs Tuesday and on Wednesday. Well, both those two days I knew he was sleeping there but didn’t say anything cause I was busy studying. On Wednesday after my ACT, I get home and hear snoring in the basement, I go and take a look and it’s the guy NAKED sleeping on the bed, my mom was at work at the time so I was completely home alone with a stranger. I take a picture for evidence then continue to have a panic attack and hide on my bedroom’s floor, calling my boyfriend for comfort and texting my mom “Dude this is not okay. seriously? I am home ALONE, I feel so unsafe, this is so gross. I’m not gonna live here if you keep doing this.” And she texts back a complete lie of “I sent him there to check the pump, settle down” I continued to text “Yes to check the pump, is that why he’s naked in a bed?” I couldn’t take it anymore. When she got home she acted like nothing happened. The VERY NEXT DAY though (which was today) I wake up from my daily nap after school and play online video games with my boyfriend. Well during, the WiFi started acting up, causing my game to lag. So I decide to go downstairs to reset the WiFi. I walk into the room and just sitting there is the guy..I hurry back upstairs hyperventilating, my heart pumping so fast with anger and having a panic attack. At the time I was on the phone with my boyfriend so I was telling him how I was gonna confront my mom right then and there with him on the phone so he can have an opinion on the thing (also to hear how ridiculous she is) I confront her and immediately start crying, again telling her how unsafe and uncomfortable I feel, how I couldn’t believe her, every emotion. And all she has to say is “I don’t get what the problem is. What is so wrong with it” when she’s looking at her daughter who has told her what the problem is at LEAST 10 times at this point. She still doesn’t get it through her head. We continue to fight, her changing the subject multiple times and me just saying “all I am asking and want is for you to not sneak random people over or have random people live here, that’s all I want” but her argument is always to play victim with “you’re making it all about you” (*cough* if your daughter does not feel safe in her home, that should be a priority and should change that) and “I need money to pay for the house” (money and a guy is more important than your daughter? She only comes home for him, not me) and she will just yell at me STILL that she doesn’t understand why it’s a problem, no matter how many times I tell her. After the argument she leaves the house for the rest of the night, I don’t know if she’ll come back in the morning. She knows she’s guilty though cause I mean, the fact that she has to sneak him over is enough. Also it’s even harder because this started happening a WEEK after my dad was arrested so I’m still really broken from that. This was really long and I apologize. There was a lot more but these are the highlights. I just think she’s being a horrible person right now..so does my boyfriend, especially after hearing every single word she said. Would you do this to your child? Would you sneak a guy over every night regardless of how your child feels? I just wanna know the opinions of everyone to help me know if it’s me in the wrong or her. Thank you for listening ❤️

UPDATE: Guys it is not her boyfriend, she says it’s a “friend” for the past who knows how long but from the situation it is clearly a fuck buddy to get money, she brings him in to sleep with him (especially when she talks about just getting back with my dad so she doesn’t have to go through money stuff shows that she doesn’t have a desire to be with the stranger seriously) Also, she has been drinking a ton, buying huge vodka and liquor things that she drinks in a day exclusively when that guy sleeps over (which is like every night so she’s been drinking a lot) Our detective we’ve had for my dad’s situation has told me in the past to email her for anything I need but she never gave me it so I’m trying to find it, hopefully I do /:

It’s kinda unbelievable how many people are telling me how I feel about a bunch of things, why I don’t like the guy, etc. I’m the one who made my mom call the cops on my dad, I wanted him gone and for them to split for a long time, I could care less, why would I hate a guy because my mom is seeing someone new that’s not my dad? My feelings towards the keyword: stranger not boyfriend, is dependent on how soon it is, what she is doing, and how HE responds to it. I know he has heard me tell my mom how I feel about the situation, yet he still chooses to keep his guns here, and keep sneaking and sleeping here. If you want to bring a new person in your life, you are also bringing them into your child’s life, regardless if in a year I’ll be 18, I was 16 when this started, a minor. Also, there’s people dwelling on he fact that he’s “naked” and that people sleep naked so they don’t know what the problem is. I was home alone. He’s naked because they have sex, he doesn’t just sleep naked, why would that matter anyways. And people say I shouldn’t just “barge” in her room, her “room” is sleeping on a mattress in the basement, a big open room where the laundry room is, my cat’s litter box, the Wifi device, the garage, I HAVE to go down there a bunch but with the situation, I can’t even do that