to the baby I lost.

when I found out about you I felt every emotion. I cried, i panicked, hell I even laughed. you made me fall in love with you before I even got to know you. there was no sweeter sound to your dad and I than your heart beat. I cried then too. we planned for you. we talked about you with so much pride and joy. I held you. for once in my life you made me proud of my body. no matter how bloated and sick you made me feel. I was so happy even on days I didn't seem very happy. I wanted you in my life more than I had ever wanted anything before. but my child, god had other plans for you. i knew in my heart the whole time you were too perfect for the world. i knew it wasnt your time yet. but nothing could have prepared me for the day we could no longer hear the precious sound of your heart. nothing couldve prepared me for the day i lost you. to this day I'm not sure what happened or why it happened but I know that now you are mommy's little angle. and I know you are safe. that's all a mother wants right? for her child to be safe. for my own selfish reasons I still wish you were with us. but I know whatever happened it was in his plan. i will always love you the way a mother should. you will always be my little one.