I wrote this little thing to get my emotion out. I'm really not handling leaving my 6 week old daughter to go back to work Monday. I can't stop crying I'm a mess. I just wanted to share with someone. Too many co workers follow me on social media for me to share it on there...

My sweet darling,

I'm sitting here balling my eyes out right next to you. I'm going back to work in two days and my heart is breaking. I wish I would have planned better, I wish I had taken more time with you. You see, I thought I would be dying to get back to work. I thought I would be absolutely stir crazy of six weeks of nothing. And that was the issue I didn't understand what this would be like. I didn't know that it would be six weeks of the most love I have ever felt. I didn't know that just watching you sleep was something I wanted to do today. I didn't know that letting sleep on my chest and being stuck under you was something I would love so much. I spend all my day thinking about you and wondering about you. I had no idea I would be so in love with you. You see my dear I know I have to go back to work. I know I have to build a good future for you and our family starting now. At the same time I feel like I'm letting you down. No one knows you like I do. I know every cry you have. I know what makes you feel better and I know when you're not feeling great. I know the difference of when your belly hurts and when you're tired. I know when you want to nurse because your hungry or when you just need to be close to me. I love that you need me just as much as I need you. I wish I had more time baby girl just to spend and look at you. I wish I had more time to hold you all day and have endless cuddles. And maybe there will be a day we will have the means that I can just be home with you. The thought of you having your first anything without me there is the most gut wrenching heart breaking thing I can imagine. Everyone thinks I'm crazy because I want you treated in a certain way. Everyone thinks I'm crazy because I'm filled with worry anytime someone hold you that isn't me. But no one understands that I've never had anything in my life that has meant so much to me. Even thought it's hard and I don't eat enough. I don't sleep enough. I can't go anywhere without it being an Olympic effort. I feel like I am on my own. I just want you to know that you are my everything and more. I just want you to know that I want to be here with you. I want you to know that I would never put anything before you. I want you to know that I love what we share more than anything else in the universe. You are my baby and you will always be my baby.

Your mama