I wasn’t ready

I was 21 when I had my abortion. Everyone had their opinions of me and what they thought was best. Truthfully I knew what I was going to do. I always wanted to be a mom.. but I was in an abusive relationship that wasn’t healthy for me let alone to bring a child into it. He was so happy when I told him i was pregnant. He promised he’d change his ways just like he always did. Nothing ever changed. I waited a couple days before I told him I wasn’t keeping it. I wasn’t prepared for the life he wanted me to live. I wasn’t going to be the one trapped in a life I didn’t deserve. Don’t get me wrong, I made my own mistakes and I’ll never deny that but Ive learned my self worth since then. It’s been 4 years and I still have a hard time dealing with it. I still break down and cry at night before I go to bed. I still tear up when I see that young mom spending time with her toddler at the park. Oh and Mother’s Day?!? Yea I’m a wreck but every year it gets a little easier. Maybe one day I’ll get another chance but maybe I won’t. They say time heals all but I’m still waiting.