Is etiquette dead?

Question

What are your thoughts on etiquette... I see so many things on this app and in real life that makes me feel insanely old or that etiquette is dead.  A couple examples:
Giving a host or hostess present when a party is being thrown in your honor (shower)
Handwritten thank you cards.
Pulling out the chair for someone before they sit down.
Bonus questions:  why do we think it has changed if it has?
What are some of the examples you see.

Answer

I voted no. I don't think etiquette is dead, I just think it's expressed differently. 
Consideration is always popular and good form, but now with things like social media, thank you cards for example seem less special, so people find other ways to express gratitude.
That's just one example though.

Answer

Etiquette is a very wide ranging thing and it differs based on region and country because much of it is culture based.
So what is proper etiquette in one person’s opinion might not be the same in another person’s. It is not universal.
Probably the only college education I have was 3 courses I took and one of them was etiquette, because I find that fun.
The first thing I learned was that it wasn’t universal and one of the biggest etiquette sins was holding another person to your own standards in that department.
Most of what I learned was business oriented. How to eat European style at formal events, place settings, business card etiquette, how to research another culture’s etiquette rules before visiting a new country or meeting someone from a different culture. 
Half of etiquette is knowing your event and situation and acting accordingly. If your host/hostess isn’t the type of person to want a gift, then would it not be better to arrive with just a sincere thank you and offers for help on the clean up after? On the other hand if your host/hostess is the type of person who would appreciate such a gesture, then by all means do so.
Again, does the person want their chair pulled out or pushed in? It can be very awkward to do. Push too far and they are squished. Don’t push far enough and they have to shuffle their chair forward when they think you aren’t paying attention to avoid hurting your feelings. Someone you just met might even feel that it is overstepping bounds and some non American/English people might even find such an action to be in poor taste altogether.
And again with thank you notes. How would you know someone hasn’t done them? It’s rude to ask if they have, it’s even more rude to tell them what to do if they don’t want to do it. And feeling miffed by not receiving one in exchange for a gift or service is perfectly understandable, but what if it got lost in the mail? What if there are other circumstances that made it hard for someone to send the note but they are thankful in their hearts? Does that little piece of paper matter that much? It’s a nice gesture and proper, but is it totally necessary? Will you feel angry or depressed that someone didn’t send you one? If so, then that sounds like a deeper issue than just diminishing etiquette in our culture.
Personally, I still see a lot of etiquette. Napkins in laps at restaurants, eating with mouths closed, pleases and thank you’s and excuse me’s, holding doors for the person behind you, a heart felt thank you for a kindness given. 
Etiquette is also made up of small gestures and it’s very much alive and well in my opinions. 😄

Answer

The amount of people on here who see thank you cards as being “useless” really disappoints me. Saying “thank you” to a persons face or texting it to them is imo not as sincere as writing a thank you card in most cases. Growing up I got many expensive gifts from my family, I’m talking $200+ backpacks for school and such and if I had the nerve to just say “thanks” to their face and never mention it again I would’ve gotten slapped upside the head. I save every thank you card I get because they’re so rare now, and it is sad to me that it is now rare for people to personally write a thanks of gratitude. To me writing it out and sending it shows the true lengths of your gratitude. 
Saying “thanks” or texting “thanks I love it” just doesn’t really cut it because it tends to seem like more of an afterthought or just a basic statement, unless we’re talking about a bag of chips or a pair of socks or something, in which case I don’t expect a card. Writing thank you cards also taught me discipline as a kid, and every kid whose family I sent a note to remarked on how impressed they were with my willingness to write 30-40+ cards. Writing thank you cards also got me ahead of the class because I knew how to properly address cards, center names, and sign off. It also taught me the correct way to address teachers in emails and cards. I was mortified when I saw kids emailing their teachers in COLLEGE by sending “whats the homework.” 
My parents always taught me:
“Hello Professor Martin,
I am Thomas and I am in your Psychology 101 Class. I missed the homework assignment for the class written on the board. Could you please provide it for me?
Thank you,
Thomas”
Every single time I did it this way ^ I got a very nice response. The other kids would get something like “You should have been paying attention. Ask a classmate” in response. Hate to say it, but thank you cards are a great way to learn how to kiss up to people to get ahead. 
All in all writing thank you cards got me quite ahead of my peers in several aspects. It might seem like such a small thing but I know for a fact that I was treated differently than other kids by many of my teachers, peers, friends of family, etc because I learned how to write thank you cards.

Answer

I think because some people find things like that unnecessary now. And i will never let someone pull out my chair. How many times have you had that prank played on you where they pull it out all the way so you miss the chair? I’m paranoid about it lol.

Answer

Somewhat but honestly, I don’t see that big of an issue with it. Times have changed. 
For example: I was at a restaurant like a week ago and there was a father SCREAMING at his child (about 4 years old) for having his elbows on the table. Then dragged him out of the restaurant by his shirt while still yelling. That’s a bit much for me. I don’t mind people having their elbows on a table. It’s not that deep 
I think as long as you’re polite and have basic manners, there’s no need to go above and beyond every time.

Answer

Well those are very specific examples that realistically cannot be replicated in day to day life

Answer

My mom taught me proper etiquette for everything. I am so thankful that she did that! Although it did take me 2 months to write my wedding thank you cards.

Answer

I think some things are just cultural. Like the 50s etiquette is largely considered really sexist today. There's still etiquette but it's different than it was and constantly changing with the times.

Answer

No but it’s a dying breed. Just like common sense.

Answer

I think it still exists depending on the family you’re raised in. I ALWAYS bring a hostess gift and write thank you notes. I don’t pull out chairs though. My husbands family doesn’t really do etiquette. Nor does my brother. I think it really has to be forced into the person as a kid. I think these gestures are really important. Nowadays a lot of people don’t even send thank you gifts or a text or anything when I send them expensive gifts. No class.

Is etiquette dead?

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