im finally done. im finally leaving..

The main reason i ever really stayed was for your son.. because when he was 2, you decided to try and smother him with a pillow because he was crying about having to go to bed.. like a normal child would when being away from their mother and being around their dads new girlfriend.. and i yelled for you to stop and you socked the shit out of me then tried to strangle me because i was "trying to get the cops called and take you away from your son".Then there were a million more times you beat my ass, "because you were drunk", or because, "you were stressed", or "people take their stress out on the people closest to them" .. a million apologies , fake i love yous and i want to spend my life with you. when i found out i was pregnant, i hoped and prayed for a girl in fear that we would split one day and my son would be in the same positionthat you son was in that day with nobody there to stop it. i hoped and prayed having a daughter would change your outlook on how you treat women. Then i lost our baby Girl 3 months before her due date. I think it was between God and my daddy in heaven knowing that was no life i wanted for my babygirl and the sheer fear i felt when he wouldnt get home until three hours after his shift, that he would come home drunk and beat my ass. I have always wondered how females could stay with someone after they showed abusive tendancies.. but now i know. The fear i felt was so real, the pain i felt, the love and i hope i had that he would change and it was just a phase... i cant believe i stayed with him for almost four years. I watched his son grow from a tiny almost two year old to five years old. I love him so much and i care about him as much as i cared about my own angel babies. But i cant continue to let him think the way his father treats me. My last straw was him dragging me out of his dads house in a headlock and forcing me into the car while yelling at me that im starting drama and backhanding and punching me in the face while his son at in the back seat watching I begged him to stop fighting with me while his son was around and his response was "im gonna teach my son how to treat a dumb bitch he doesnt care about.. she needs to just get tf out of my life" as he smacked me again. Then he told me if i didnt want to be hit anymore to get out of his car, as i tried to do so, he floored it and took a corner trying to get me to fall out. I closed the door and he continued to punch me.. laughing .. once i told him i was gonna call the cops he took me to my moms and dropped me off, i was too embarrassed to go in the house with a busted lip and a giant swollen eye and he said if i didnt get in the car just lose his number and i said just go.. so he laughed and told his son was a stupid ass bitch.. then told me go in the house and tell my mom he beat my ass. As i write this i cant help but just cry. I cant believe i really put up with this for four years.. but the way my mom looked when i came in with a busted up face and told her what happened i know i cant go back also The fact that she told me if i ever went back that she would arrage for someone to beat his ass.. im just so glad to be free. Even if im not 100% free of him and his stresses quite yet, i feel free. And it feels so good to confess to my family that hes been abusing me since pretty much day one. No more emotional abuse. Im feeling overwhelmed with emotion right now. Sad that my life with him is over because when it was good, it was great. Sad that the only other living part of my child will no longer be apart of my life.. sad that he thinks its okay to treat women this way because his dad used to do the same shit. Fear that it isnt over, fear for his son, that he will have the same issues, that he's going to get the worst of his dads anger. Knowing I'll never see him again.. sad that it had to come to this, sad i didnt leave him sooner. But mostly, im glad im at least halfway out..and that my babies didnt have to witness their mother getting ripped apart, emotionally, physically & mentally.im glad im free